Friday, September 27, 2019
SCAN RESULTS
Instead of deer and water and pine trees out my front window, I now am back to dogs, children on bikes, people walking. Such a change to adapt to. So many adaptations in the house again. The TV remote is different. Toilet paper on the other side of the "cabin side." Garbage can in kitchen on opposite side under sink. It will take some time to reprogram my brain once again.
The past week has been tough. I had my brain and lung scans last week, and I had a bad outcome from the anesthetists' intubation of me (I was sedated for the brain MRI). I came out of there with a wound on the back of my throat that had pus in the middle and looked like a tractor drove over my palette. Could not eat, drink, swallow or spit without pain. It was awful. Had to go to the clinic for a RX for Magic Mouthwash (Chris recommended this) to take the edge off the pain. Only today, 7 days later, have I turned a corner and feel that within a couple more days, it should be pain-free.
My scans showed little change since May, so I will be staying on my present chemo. I am always ready to hear YOU ARE CANCER FREE. But, not this time. To celebrate my status quo, we went to OH MY CUPCAKES and got one. Most delicious cupcake ever. Pricey, but incredible. It was after I ate that when the pain in my mouth set in.
I am down to 96 pounds. Granted, this week I did not eat much because of swallowing pain, but I tried all summer to try to gain some of my lost weight back and thought I was eating nice meals.....Richie would concur with this.....but I just couldn't get my numbers back up. I look like a skeleton and feel some days like I am wasting away. But I plod on.
I have lost stamina over the summer. I became very reclusive because I couldn't deal with people coming over and chatting forever. I can handle maybe an hour on a good day. I have just owned it and tell friends, "Your visit has to be less than an hour." I can do one "thing" per day. A Walmart shop, or laundry, or fixing a meal.......but not all three. I so hate the energy I have lost with these side-effects from Chemo. I do go to the Wellness Center every other day to work out. Hope it will help over time.
Have a great autumn!!
Wednesday, August 28, 2019
THE MAGNIFICENT BLESSING OF THE LAKE
One last missive from the deep north woods. Just when we thought we didn't have to go to town again, the tire on the Honda was low and Richie had to remove it and take it to town for diagnosis. Value-stem problem. Sure glad he noticed it before we started home.
Last night we had a HUGE old popple tree slam down to the ground behind the cabin. No wind. Just old age. Richie now has another job to tackle. I keep telling him it (chopping up the tree) can wait til next year, but it seems he can't relax if there's work to be done. (Next day: He is already done doing it and is now hauling the logs up the hill and deep into the back woods.)
Within the past 4 nights, we've gone from pleasant fishing weather in the evenings to downright cold or too wavy for crappie-fishing. Hope this is just a cold front that will move past. It is supposed to warm up tomorrow.
I will post a pic of our new bathtub. Heavy vinyl and keeps the water hot enough for both of us to soak for 15-20 minutes. Feels like a dream after having showers all summer. We fill it up with the hose from the laundry sink in the garage and can make it super hot. I've been wanting one for years.
Two does and their two fawns were walking by our fallen tree this morning. I don't know how anyone can hunt these beautiful creatures.
As I journey toward the end of my 2019 summer, it leave me to ponder how amazingly blessed we have been to have this oasis. There is everything I crave here.....total silence, hearing and seeing nobody for days on end, sleeping as long as I want, reading as much as I want, no expectations or responsibilities, deer walking through the woods near our picture windows, chipmunks scurrying across the deck. I am so aware of God here. I look at the stars in the dark sky and know that he has counted them all and calls them each by name (Psalm 147:4). He knows the very depth and breadth of every body of water in our state's 10,000 lakes.
What did the two of us ever do to deserve the magnificence of this gift from the Creator? I know. Nothing. Like salvation, we didn't earn this piece of the northwoods. There was no way we could have earned it. In His great goodness, in His time, God lavished us with a tiny piece of heaven right here on earth.
It is not lost on me that not many people can have this luxury and we certainly don't take it for granted. We try to be good stewards of this plot of woods. I shed tears every fall that we close up and pray that the next 9 months go by quickly.
I think back to the 3 year search we made for a WI or MN cabin. Almost every weekend we were with a realtor. God's fingerprints were on the search....every door closed before us. As soon as walked in thigh-deep snow onto this property (in January of 1988), thick with birch and pine, and stepped into the all-knotty-pine cottage, we heard God's whisper,"This is the one I have saved for you."
And what would we have missed had we jumped ahead of God's plan for us? Sam would not have ever met his best friend James, he would not have ever met his wife Gretchen, we would never have had 4 amazing summers as Youth leaders in our church, when our cottage became a tangle of teenage fun and laughter. We would never have had gallons of blueberries to bring home every fall along with our fish.
It is so true.....we need to wait on the Lord's plan to guide and direct our steps. So often He "feels" late. We had no idea we would wait 3 years to find our most loved and favorite place in the whole world. In any of our travels, upon arriving home, we have always said, "I would have rather been at the lake."
I love taking the 4-wheeler 3 miles out to
Last night we had a HUGE old popple tree slam down to the ground behind the cabin. No wind. Just old age. Richie now has another job to tackle. I keep telling him it (chopping up the tree) can wait til next year, but it seems he can't relax if there's work to be done. (Next day: He is already done doing it and is now hauling the logs up the hill and deep into the back woods.)
Within the past 4 nights, we've gone from pleasant fishing weather in the evenings to downright cold or too wavy for crappie-fishing. Hope this is just a cold front that will move past. It is supposed to warm up tomorrow.
I will post a pic of our new bathtub. Heavy vinyl and keeps the water hot enough for both of us to soak for 15-20 minutes. Feels like a dream after having showers all summer. We fill it up with the hose from the laundry sink in the garage and can make it super hot. I've been wanting one for years.
Two does and their two fawns were walking by our fallen tree this morning. I don't know how anyone can hunt these beautiful creatures.
As I journey toward the end of my 2019 summer, it leave me to ponder how amazingly blessed we have been to have this oasis. There is everything I crave here.....total silence, hearing and seeing nobody for days on end, sleeping as long as I want, reading as much as I want, no expectations or responsibilities, deer walking through the woods near our picture windows, chipmunks scurrying across the deck. I am so aware of God here. I look at the stars in the dark sky and know that he has counted them all and calls them each by name (Psalm 147:4). He knows the very depth and breadth of every body of water in our state's 10,000 lakes.
What did the two of us ever do to deserve the magnificence of this gift from the Creator? I know. Nothing. Like salvation, we didn't earn this piece of the northwoods. There was no way we could have earned it. In His great goodness, in His time, God lavished us with a tiny piece of heaven right here on earth.
It is not lost on me that not many people can have this luxury and we certainly don't take it for granted. We try to be good stewards of this plot of woods. I shed tears every fall that we close up and pray that the next 9 months go by quickly.
I think back to the 3 year search we made for a WI or MN cabin. Almost every weekend we were with a realtor. God's fingerprints were on the search....every door closed before us. As soon as walked in thigh-deep snow onto this property (in January of 1988), thick with birch and pine, and stepped into the all-knotty-pine cottage, we heard God's whisper,"This is the one I have saved for you."
And what would we have missed had we jumped ahead of God's plan for us? Sam would not have ever met his best friend James, he would not have ever met his wife Gretchen, we would never have had 4 amazing summers as Youth leaders in our church, when our cottage became a tangle of teenage fun and laughter. We would never have had gallons of blueberries to bring home every fall along with our fish.
It is so true.....we need to wait on the Lord's plan to guide and direct our steps. So often He "feels" late. We had no idea we would wait 3 years to find our most loved and favorite place in the whole world. In any of our travels, upon arriving home, we have always said, "I would have rather been at the lake."
my new bathtub
 |
Baby Margaux, whom we met last week. My great-niece. |
Richie's little sweetie, Margaux
the mailboxes to get our mail.
Saturday, August 17, 2019
STARTING TO COUNT DOWN
Another perfect lake day up north. After I post this, I am going to get outside and enjoy it. We went to Duluth this week to say goodbye to some friends who are moving to Texas, meet our new great-niece, Margaux (who took to Richie like a duck to water....and apparently she doesn't do that with strangers). He lives up to his nickname, The Baby Whisperer. She is so precious. So glad my niece didn't have to work that morning and was home with the kids.
Then we went out to Morgan Park and surprised our dear friend Kay. When I went on bed-rest with Sam, Kay pretty much ran our lives. She took over as office director, (we owned a PT clinic), called me daily to encourage me, did library and grocery runs for us. We owe her so much that can never be repaid.
We then drove up north to Ely to see my brother Mike and sister-in-law Shirleen. They have a cabin on Burntside Lake and had added an addition onto their log cabin we had not seen yet. So beautiful. Mike grilled us up lake trout he caught that morning and we stayed overnight. Left the next morning after he grilled us up a sumptuous breakfast. They have this huge deck overlooking the lake where we ate.
Sam came up for 2 days before we went to Duluth. It is always a happy time when he comes home. The Vikings had a couple of days off.
Getting mentally prepped for the brain and lung scans when I get home. I never enjoy them. But I am anxious to see the results of the gamma knife. Last week was my 9th year anniversary living with cancer. Praises to God for letting me live this long.
Enjoy your last weeks of summer.
Then we went out to Morgan Park and surprised our dear friend Kay. When I went on bed-rest with Sam, Kay pretty much ran our lives. She took over as office director, (we owned a PT clinic), called me daily to encourage me, did library and grocery runs for us. We owe her so much that can never be repaid.
We then drove up north to Ely to see my brother Mike and sister-in-law Shirleen. They have a cabin on Burntside Lake and had added an addition onto their log cabin we had not seen yet. So beautiful. Mike grilled us up lake trout he caught that morning and we stayed overnight. Left the next morning after he grilled us up a sumptuous breakfast. They have this huge deck overlooking the lake where we ate.
Sam came up for 2 days before we went to Duluth. It is always a happy time when he comes home. The Vikings had a couple of days off.
Getting mentally prepped for the brain and lung scans when I get home. I never enjoy them. But I am anxious to see the results of the gamma knife. Last week was my 9th year anniversary living with cancer. Praises to God for letting me live this long.
Enjoy your last weeks of summer.
 |
| Richie and Margaux |
 |
| 9 years walking with lung and brain cancer |
Thursday, August 8, 2019
A NO-BERRY YEAR
I just ache to think of summer being so close to over. It has been a perfect summer. EXCEPT that the blueberries did not come out this year. Dick and some of his guy friends all checked out our blueberry patch and there was nothing but a berry here and a berry there. They all agreed it was not worth going back to check later in the summer.
So for the first year in 32, we are not coming home with any berries. We had so many berries last summer that I had to give my last 4 packages to my friend Jill before we left. We did go over to our widower friend Bill's and picked a 13x9 size pan full of raspberries from his lush raspberry garden. So yummy with cream.
Had an accident the other day. Just shows my muscle weakness from the chemo. Got stuck in the lake. Could not get into a standing position from squatting or kneeling or sitting so Richie had to lift me out of the water and help me stand and told me to just walk up our 6-ft incline where we launch our fishing boat. I started up the tiny incline, and gravity simply overcame my weak legs and I stumbled and fell backwards into the shallow water onto my back and head. The mobility and stability and flexibility I have lost astounds even me.
Richie finished making his wood-chip path between the garages, he filled the two turnarounds on our land and it looks great. We still have enough chips to cover an acre, I'm sure.
I have read so many books this summer, I can't remember the names of them or the characters in them. My memory loss plays into this too. I finish one and start another within 30 minutes and then I think the characters from the book I just read are in the current book. I really should take a few days between books, but my reading addiction won't allow that!!
We are driving to Duluth next week to see our good friends Sandy and Darrell. They are leaving to move to Texas and we want to see them. Hopefully some of my family will be there, but the girls both work and my brother and sis-in-law might be at their cabin. We'll see what happens.
Sam is coming up tomorrow for 2 days. Can't wait! Gretch can't take any more time off work right now.....we will miss her being here.
Here is a shot of our wood chipped path down to the big garage.
So for the first year in 32, we are not coming home with any berries. We had so many berries last summer that I had to give my last 4 packages to my friend Jill before we left. We did go over to our widower friend Bill's and picked a 13x9 size pan full of raspberries from his lush raspberry garden. So yummy with cream.
Had an accident the other day. Just shows my muscle weakness from the chemo. Got stuck in the lake. Could not get into a standing position from squatting or kneeling or sitting so Richie had to lift me out of the water and help me stand and told me to just walk up our 6-ft incline where we launch our fishing boat. I started up the tiny incline, and gravity simply overcame my weak legs and I stumbled and fell backwards into the shallow water onto my back and head. The mobility and stability and flexibility I have lost astounds even me.
Richie finished making his wood-chip path between the garages, he filled the two turnarounds on our land and it looks great. We still have enough chips to cover an acre, I'm sure.
I have read so many books this summer, I can't remember the names of them or the characters in them. My memory loss plays into this too. I finish one and start another within 30 minutes and then I think the characters from the book I just read are in the current book. I really should take a few days between books, but my reading addiction won't allow that!!
We are driving to Duluth next week to see our good friends Sandy and Darrell. They are leaving to move to Texas and we want to see them. Hopefully some of my family will be there, but the girls both work and my brother and sis-in-law might be at their cabin. We'll see what happens.
Sam is coming up tomorrow for 2 days. Can't wait! Gretch can't take any more time off work right now.....we will miss her being here.
Here is a shot of our wood chipped path down to the big garage.
Friday, July 19, 2019
LAKE LIFE IS GREAT
We are home from our Mpls trip. The Twins lost to the Mets, but we had fun anyway. Sam secured us great seats behind home plate and under a balcony in case of rain or bad sun. We also put in several hours picking ivy off a side of their house. It had embedded in the stucco and nothing but hand-picking works. the fingertips of both our hands were raw. Felt good to help the kids in their big project. They can't paint their new house until this job is done. We offered to come for a work weekend just to finish it all up.
It was a sauna in the Cities. It felt good to get back in the cooler northland without humidity and extreme heat.
Today would have been my mom's 99th birthday. How I wish she were here and waiting for her party to begin. I miss her so deeply. She called me every night at about 8-9 "just to talk." When I'd answer the phone, she would always say, slyly, "This is yo mama." Said in jest, as if I would not recognize her voice!! Being motherless has left quite the hole in my heart.
We had 21 "widowmakers" taken down around our woods that were in danger of hitting the cabin or blocking our driveway if they were to fall. Fun to watch those guys climbing those huge popples and pines with dexterity and cut the chunks off from the top. Dick grubbed out the brush from around where they cut and it really opened up our driveway and valley.
Right now he is outside creating a long curvy path from the concrete sidewalk down to the lower garage. He is lining it with bricks and making the path out of wood chips. The woodcutters left us two truckloads full of wood chips. Leave it to my husband to find a functional use for them.
I am studying the book of Kings right now. Interesting. I have no memory of what I read the day before, but I am enjoying it day to day. All the killing is a bit disturbing, but that was the life of the Israelites.
I just finished a great (and awful) book, GRACE WILL LEAD US HOME by Jennifer Berry Hawes. It is the saga of the Charleston Church Massacre and the Hard Journey to Forgiveness. It was unbelievable reading the details of Dylan Roofs intentional evil acts and the drama of the aftermath. Richie is reading it now. It is graphic and raw, but very real and authentic in terms of what survivors and family members went through. The book spans from the day it happened til the trial is over.
It was a sauna in the Cities. It felt good to get back in the cooler northland without humidity and extreme heat.
Today would have been my mom's 99th birthday. How I wish she were here and waiting for her party to begin. I miss her so deeply. She called me every night at about 8-9 "just to talk." When I'd answer the phone, she would always say, slyly, "This is yo mama." Said in jest, as if I would not recognize her voice!! Being motherless has left quite the hole in my heart.
We had 21 "widowmakers" taken down around our woods that were in danger of hitting the cabin or blocking our driveway if they were to fall. Fun to watch those guys climbing those huge popples and pines with dexterity and cut the chunks off from the top. Dick grubbed out the brush from around where they cut and it really opened up our driveway and valley.
Right now he is outside creating a long curvy path from the concrete sidewalk down to the lower garage. He is lining it with bricks and making the path out of wood chips. The woodcutters left us two truckloads full of wood chips. Leave it to my husband to find a functional use for them.
I am studying the book of Kings right now. Interesting. I have no memory of what I read the day before, but I am enjoying it day to day. All the killing is a bit disturbing, but that was the life of the Israelites.
I just finished a great (and awful) book, GRACE WILL LEAD US HOME by Jennifer Berry Hawes. It is the saga of the Charleston Church Massacre and the Hard Journey to Forgiveness. It was unbelievable reading the details of Dylan Roofs intentional evil acts and the drama of the aftermath. Richie is reading it now. It is graphic and raw, but very real and authentic in terms of what survivors and family members went through. The book spans from the day it happened til the trial is over.
The cedar shutters Richie made for me for the cabin
The four of us at the Twins game.
The summer is flying by. Enjoy every day. The 20-below days will be upon us soon enough.
Wednesday, July 3, 2019
JUNE IS SADLY OVER
I am sort of sad today, thinking that we only have 2/3 of the summer left to spend at the lake. It has been so perfect. We do not have that horrific heat that is at home. The air is clear and refreshing and the breeze off the lake is daily.
The only fly in the ointment are the mosquitoes. When we've had no rain for 6-7 days they die out and then after the rain, a new batch hatches out. Today I haven't felt one on me. We did however have the biggest, fattest, grossest spider in the house we have ever seen. I saw it on the window ledge in our bedroom, and it must have been 3 inches in diameter if not more. I reacted like a typical "girl" and ran outside to summon my husband to deal with it. It was one of those many-legged creatures that runs away from you if you miss swatting him dead. I'm glad we have one brave soul in the family! Though even he admitted this one was not pleasant.
I have been sleeping a lot. At least one 1.5-2 hour nap after lunch, and sometimes before dinner. Maybe I'm just overly relaxed, but it does make me feel like I wish I had a hobby up here. I've also been reading some really good books from the library. I just started my 3rd book for the week.
I have been trying so hard to gain weight this summer.....whole milk, butter, etc. but I just can't put the pounds on. I can eat until I am sickly full but by the next morning, I remain the same. I guess I inherited my mom's high metabolism. My doc in SF wants me to have a blood test in July just to check on everything. He's letting me off of my scan cycle for the summer and not making me come back to SF so this is the least I can do!
Richie made me beautiful cedar shutters for the cabin and also 2 fences, one at the entrance of our drive with our name on it. That man works his tail off out here. Wish I had half his stamina. He caught a nice 3-4 pound bass the other morning, and he cooked it up with beer batter, and I never eaten such a delectable piece of fish. I could not stop oohing and awing with every bite. I would eat beer batter bass fresh out of the lake 5 days a week.
Sam came up last Friday to spend the night with us and drop off his dog to dog sit for a day and a half while he and Gretchen went to her big family reunion an hour away. Their Captain loves coming to the lake, running around the acreage, wading in the water. He is a sweet dog.
Do you know what I love about being in the woods without anyone around? I can wear the same clothes (baggy and definitely worthy of the Civ) for a whole week, then wash them and wear them the next week. It is nice not to have to think about how I look (usually like an old haggard woman)!!!!!
We are headed to a Twins game with the kids in a couple weeks. Too many injuries......they need to get the roster full again and start playing like they did in May and June.
Hope the summer is going well for anyone who is reading this.
God bless
The only fly in the ointment are the mosquitoes. When we've had no rain for 6-7 days they die out and then after the rain, a new batch hatches out. Today I haven't felt one on me. We did however have the biggest, fattest, grossest spider in the house we have ever seen. I saw it on the window ledge in our bedroom, and it must have been 3 inches in diameter if not more. I reacted like a typical "girl" and ran outside to summon my husband to deal with it. It was one of those many-legged creatures that runs away from you if you miss swatting him dead. I'm glad we have one brave soul in the family! Though even he admitted this one was not pleasant.
I have been sleeping a lot. At least one 1.5-2 hour nap after lunch, and sometimes before dinner. Maybe I'm just overly relaxed, but it does make me feel like I wish I had a hobby up here. I've also been reading some really good books from the library. I just started my 3rd book for the week.
I have been trying so hard to gain weight this summer.....whole milk, butter, etc. but I just can't put the pounds on. I can eat until I am sickly full but by the next morning, I remain the same. I guess I inherited my mom's high metabolism. My doc in SF wants me to have a blood test in July just to check on everything. He's letting me off of my scan cycle for the summer and not making me come back to SF so this is the least I can do!
Richie made me beautiful cedar shutters for the cabin and also 2 fences, one at the entrance of our drive with our name on it. That man works his tail off out here. Wish I had half his stamina. He caught a nice 3-4 pound bass the other morning, and he cooked it up with beer batter, and I never eaten such a delectable piece of fish. I could not stop oohing and awing with every bite. I would eat beer batter bass fresh out of the lake 5 days a week.
Sam came up last Friday to spend the night with us and drop off his dog to dog sit for a day and a half while he and Gretchen went to her big family reunion an hour away. Their Captain loves coming to the lake, running around the acreage, wading in the water. He is a sweet dog.
Do you know what I love about being in the woods without anyone around? I can wear the same clothes (baggy and definitely worthy of the Civ) for a whole week, then wash them and wear them the next week. It is nice not to have to think about how I look (usually like an old haggard woman)!!!!!
We are headed to a Twins game with the kids in a couple weeks. Too many injuries......they need to get the roster full again and start playing like they did in May and June.
Hope the summer is going well for anyone who is reading this.
God bless
Monday, June 10, 2019
ALMOST MOVED IN
We are back up north. And NORTH it is. We've only had 3 days that have hit 70. It gets plenty cold at night....the propane furnace goes on quite often. But still, just looking out at the lake warms my soul.
I started my vacation with 6 days of chest pain. I ended up in the ER in town where they did every test imaginable on me and were able to rule out a heart attack and a lung clot. I left with probably a $20,000 ER bill and no certain diagnosis. She guessed maybe "esophageal spasms." and gave me an RX.
I sent out a mass email to my prayer warriors and within about 48 hours, the chest pains were greatly reduced and within another day of that, they were gone.
I have the most powerful group of prayer partners you could ask you. They are incredible intercessors.
We didn't have mail until Saturday. The Vermilion PO had a snafu in their forwarding system and were a week late in getting our stuff sent out, but at least it is here now. Our USA Today newspaper even got screwed up and was sending our copy to our home everyday. We finally got that resolved.
Sam was free for 2 days to come and help Richie with the heavy-lifting in getting the place opened up, dock in, boat lift in, boats in the water, shutters carried down to the garage, etc. 10 years ago, I was still helping him but cannot do anything like that anymore. Sam was a godsend.
We are still not 100% moved in and organized, but getting there. It is getting to be quite daunting to pack up our lives and come, and then pack up our lives to return. It is no longer easy.
A bright spot was stopping by Brad and Karol Broderson's new cabin on Marion Lake on the way up. We stayed overnight with then. Their new digs are beautiful.
Well I have a bunch of business to tend to online, so must go now. We got fiber-optic cable put in and now have email and Wi-Fi. Still no cell service so texts rarely come or go, but the internet is great. I hope you are all enjoying your summer.
M.
I started my vacation with 6 days of chest pain. I ended up in the ER in town where they did every test imaginable on me and were able to rule out a heart attack and a lung clot. I left with probably a $20,000 ER bill and no certain diagnosis. She guessed maybe "esophageal spasms." and gave me an RX.
I sent out a mass email to my prayer warriors and within about 48 hours, the chest pains were greatly reduced and within another day of that, they were gone.
I have the most powerful group of prayer partners you could ask you. They are incredible intercessors.
We didn't have mail until Saturday. The Vermilion PO had a snafu in their forwarding system and were a week late in getting our stuff sent out, but at least it is here now. Our USA Today newspaper even got screwed up and was sending our copy to our home everyday. We finally got that resolved.
Sam was free for 2 days to come and help Richie with the heavy-lifting in getting the place opened up, dock in, boat lift in, boats in the water, shutters carried down to the garage, etc. 10 years ago, I was still helping him but cannot do anything like that anymore. Sam was a godsend.
We are still not 100% moved in and organized, but getting there. It is getting to be quite daunting to pack up our lives and come, and then pack up our lives to return. It is no longer easy.
A bright spot was stopping by Brad and Karol Broderson's new cabin on Marion Lake on the way up. We stayed overnight with then. Their new digs are beautiful.
Well I have a bunch of business to tend to online, so must go now. We got fiber-optic cable put in and now have email and Wi-Fi. Still no cell service so texts rarely come or go, but the internet is great. I hope you are all enjoying your summer.
M.
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