What does one say to oneself on the 1 year anniversary of hearing you have incurable lung cancer? “Happy anniversary” doesn’t fit……there was nothing remotely happy about that day.
One year. 365 days. Seems like yesterday. Seems like a lifetime ago.
The world as we knew it came to a crashing halt that warm Thursday morning and paralysis set in. Grief came to stay and hopelessness clung like a leech. Suddenly, cancer defined my life, and the life of my husband and son.
But somewhere in the ruins of my paralyzed soul, I knew I needed to find the treasures that this darkness would bring. There have always been rainbows after storms. There have always been pearls inside ugly oysters. And God has always promised that ALL THINGS would work together for some good (Rom 8:28). I knew I needed to unearth any good that I could muster from this horror. I didn’t have to dig deep. The treasures in the darkness found their way to me.
Today is the day I open the chest and look at the treasures God has given me on this journey I never wanted to take. Today is the day I let the shattered pieces of a cancer-lived life speak its restoration and claim its spoils.
And so, one year later.... some of my treasures....
The immeasurable grace of my Savior and Healer who has sustained me through these darkness moments of my life…
The depth and breadth of my husband’s support, devotion, love, and faith has been staggering and life-giving…
The deep and tender love of my son, who God wooed to a college within easy driving distance so that we could be together as often as we needed to be during this time…whose faith was so strong, it was palpable....
The profound love and support of my parents and brothers and entire extended family…
In those first weeks and months, the daily medical advice I relied on from my brother Mike…
The incomparable care I have had from my church family and my friends, who have showered me with encouraging words, meals, gifts, cards, emails, phone calls and visits…
Mary Ruth and Julie, who walked into our home, one of them a stranger, and changed our grief into hope; for their unrelenting commitment to praying weekly with me; for that anointing with oil and initial prayer of faith they prayed over me that was the start of restoration and faith in healing…
Chemo did not strike me down with vomiting, nausea (little), or fatigue as I had dreaded. God protected my immune system…
My blood counts were always great. I never needed to postpone chemo because of poor labs…
Sam was able to finish his first year of college knowing his mom was okay. His worries did not have to include me…
Even with the radiation side-effect of arthritis in my leg, I never had to stop walking...
I was not sick one day all year with a cold or cough or flu (no doubt aided by the fact that I did not sub in the schools much)…
The financial gift from the Run For Rita Foundation which helped so much with medical bills…
I did not lose my hair or any weight...
Mae and Margie. My M&M girls.
I found an amazing Christian oncologist who knows that God can do for me what chemo cannot... and believes with me that God is still a miracle-worker...
Lyn, secretary extraordinaire, who always called me first with the most germ-free sub jobs, and all my teacher friends who have expressed so much support…
Dick’s greatest fear----that I would sink into and stay in the abyss of a clinical depression----did not materialize…
The continued prayers for me by the faithful people at Life Abundant Church in Sioux Falls…
The re-connecting with and sweet support shown by my old friends from grade school(Patty), high school (Colleen) and college (Jo) and for my new yet-unmet friend Cole, who has blessed my socks off with her words of encouragement and love…
Dick did not have to give up his 2-week trip to Dominican Republic because of my health…
That God has spoken to my heart and given me both great biblical truths to hang onto and unwavering faith, based on The Word of God, that healing will be mine…
That this unwavering faith erodes fear…
At some point, I don’t remember when, laughter returned…
The books about healing that have buoyed me and sent me straight into the Bible for deeper learning about divine healing…
Learning that very little we consider important in life really is…
My niece Rachel’s tough-and-true words at the very moments I needed them…
Mundane tasks of every day took on the hue of blessings in light of cancer…
That with blueberries non-existent this summer in most of northern Minnesota (a rare thing), God has blessed our little township with another great surplus …..and blueberries are a #1 cancer-fighting food….
Friends Penny and Lee have come alongside me all summer to meet and pray and seek God’s will in our lives, and continue to stand with me in belief in my healing…
Finally, I have the ultimate treasure, trust in a God who reigns sovereign over all the earth, who loves his children immensely, and whose grace and mercy know no bounds. I do not know what my future holds, but I know Who holds my future, and I can trust the One who died for me.
One year. 365 days. Seems like yesterday. Seems like a lifetime ago.
The world as we knew it came to a crashing halt that warm Thursday morning and paralysis set in. Grief came to stay and hopelessness clung like a leech. Suddenly, cancer defined my life, and the life of my husband and son.
But somewhere in the ruins of my paralyzed soul, I knew I needed to find the treasures that this darkness would bring. There have always been rainbows after storms. There have always been pearls inside ugly oysters. And God has always promised that ALL THINGS would work together for some good (Rom 8:28). I knew I needed to unearth any good that I could muster from this horror. I didn’t have to dig deep. The treasures in the darkness found their way to me.
Today is the day I open the chest and look at the treasures God has given me on this journey I never wanted to take. Today is the day I let the shattered pieces of a cancer-lived life speak its restoration and claim its spoils.
And so, one year later.... some of my treasures....
The immeasurable grace of my Savior and Healer who has sustained me through these darkness moments of my life…
The depth and breadth of my husband’s support, devotion, love, and faith has been staggering and life-giving…
The deep and tender love of my son, who God wooed to a college within easy driving distance so that we could be together as often as we needed to be during this time…whose faith was so strong, it was palpable....
The profound love and support of my parents and brothers and entire extended family…
In those first weeks and months, the daily medical advice I relied on from my brother Mike…
The incomparable care I have had from my church family and my friends, who have showered me with encouraging words, meals, gifts, cards, emails, phone calls and visits…
Mary Ruth and Julie, who walked into our home, one of them a stranger, and changed our grief into hope; for their unrelenting commitment to praying weekly with me; for that anointing with oil and initial prayer of faith they prayed over me that was the start of restoration and faith in healing…
Chemo did not strike me down with vomiting, nausea (little), or fatigue as I had dreaded. God protected my immune system…
My blood counts were always great. I never needed to postpone chemo because of poor labs…
Sam was able to finish his first year of college knowing his mom was okay. His worries did not have to include me…
Even with the radiation side-effect of arthritis in my leg, I never had to stop walking...
I was not sick one day all year with a cold or cough or flu (no doubt aided by the fact that I did not sub in the schools much)…
The financial gift from the Run For Rita Foundation which helped so much with medical bills…
I did not lose my hair or any weight...
Mae and Margie. My M&M girls.
I found an amazing Christian oncologist who knows that God can do for me what chemo cannot... and believes with me that God is still a miracle-worker...
Lyn, secretary extraordinaire, who always called me first with the most germ-free sub jobs, and all my teacher friends who have expressed so much support…
Dick’s greatest fear----that I would sink into and stay in the abyss of a clinical depression----did not materialize…
The continued prayers for me by the faithful people at Life Abundant Church in Sioux Falls…
The re-connecting with and sweet support shown by my old friends from grade school(Patty), high school (Colleen) and college (Jo) and for my new yet-unmet friend Cole, who has blessed my socks off with her words of encouragement and love…
Dick did not have to give up his 2-week trip to Dominican Republic because of my health…
That God has spoken to my heart and given me both great biblical truths to hang onto and unwavering faith, based on The Word of God, that healing will be mine…
That this unwavering faith erodes fear…
At some point, I don’t remember when, laughter returned…
The books about healing that have buoyed me and sent me straight into the Bible for deeper learning about divine healing…
Learning that very little we consider important in life really is…
My niece Rachel’s tough-and-true words at the very moments I needed them…
Mundane tasks of every day took on the hue of blessings in light of cancer…
That with blueberries non-existent this summer in most of northern Minnesota (a rare thing), God has blessed our little township with another great surplus …..and blueberries are a #1 cancer-fighting food….
Friends Penny and Lee have come alongside me all summer to meet and pray and seek God’s will in our lives, and continue to stand with me in belief in my healing…
Finally, I have the ultimate treasure, trust in a God who reigns sovereign over all the earth, who loves his children immensely, and whose grace and mercy know no bounds. I do not know what my future holds, but I know Who holds my future, and I can trust the One who died for me.
FINAL THOUGHTS...
To my blog readers, thank you for caring enough to share my journey and lifting up so many prayers for me....that so many people have had any kind of interest in my random musings is surprising and very humbling...As I notice today the 21,000+ hits to my blog since I starting penning it, I can only pray that someone may have renewed their relationship with Christ because of what I might have shared. If I have said anything that may have planted a seed of stronger faith in anyone, may God get any and all the glory. This journey is so much more about Him than it is about me.
2 comments:
Wow, Mare! "My how you've grown" :) in this year and you just filled a treasure chest! YOU are a treasure yourself to so many of us, whose faiths you have boosted along as you walked this journey you did not choose, but took so bravely. I love you and am so happy for you and your healing that is on it's way!!!!! Can't wait to resume our weekly prayer get-togethers! Ju
I was just telling my sister more about you today and how deeply my heart feels connected to such an amazing woman that I've yet to meet. You have helped me overcome my fears of cancer with your brave faith...taking God at His word and praising Him for it in advance. More of a gift that I can express with words.
I'm so thankful for you and so grateful to pray for a woman of such faith, that will (in His time) completely heal your body. I second the comment that you are indeed a wonderful treasure!! Love you!
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