Sunday, September 18, 2011


 Dying is just not an option, I’ve decided. I can’t do it.

Now all of you who know me know that I have faith in divine healing and believe God is healing me because His Word is full of healing promises. However, even if I didn’t believe in healing, I just can’t die. I mean, seriously, from a purely practical point of view, I am needed on this earth.

My sister-in-law Margie would have no idea what to do with her Goodwill pile of clothes once a year because I would not be around to take them (and wear them, only to hear her say 5 years later, “Man, that is cute. Why did I give that away?”)

My parents need me to print off their mailing labels and Christmas letter and to fix their computer woes over the phone and keep them supplied with cell phone minutes.

My niece Rachel needs to know that she has an aunt in this world who totally understands anxiety issues and who is there when the devil gets into her head and starts throwing down lies. She knows I know.

My friend Susan, my soul-sister since before we were both married, would have a huge hole in her heart for the rest of her life. My friend Jill would have no idea what to do on Friday mornings without me to walk-and-catch-up with. My friend Lee needs me to blueberry pick with her and giggle with her. (Once, when we were leading singing in a nursing home in front of the residents, we looked at each other and broke into convulsive red-faced giggling that could not be stopped for an entire song. I think we almost wet our pants. My son rolled his eyes and called us immature.)

My school needs me. I am the sub who cares about kids leaving our system being able to speak the King’s English, and not sounding, like, um, a totally, like, uneducated, ah, ninny. When faced with a “Mrs. Ekstrom, can me and her go to the library?” my response is always, “I will answer your question when you ask it with proper grammar. Try it again.” Yep, the school needs me.

My niece Anna needs her goofy twin.

My brother Chris needs me to call him a rat fink every now and then, just to keep him humble, remind him of his childhood, and as payback for cutting all the hair off my beautiful bride doll.

My friends Julie, Mary Ruth, Penny and Lee need me as prayer partners. Groups of two are fine, but circles of three are even better.

My niece Betsy still wants to learn how to make her Great-Grama Della’s sour cream dill soup, and I am the only one in the family that has it down.

And man, do my husband and son both need me. Dick is a great cook, but left to himself, I’m afraid he would survive on spaghetti and baked chicken. He would not be able to discern which of the 4 remotes does what when it comes to loading CD’s and DVD’s. No more movies. His car would be dirty all the time because I wouldn’t be around to clean the interior. He does a poor job of researching condos to rent or motels to book. Without me, Lord only knows where my hubbie could end up staying.

He needs me to set his electronic watch when it goes awry, and he would read a fourth of the books he currently does because I am not here to give him book recommendations. If I died, nobody would rag on him to clean out old files, and he would still have the instruction booklet from some microwave that we dumped 15 years ago in his manila folder. He would spend entirely too much money on food and clothing, because the super sale/super coupon/thrift store queen would not be alive.

And Sam. If I died, who would call him the 15th of every month to remind him to change his contact lenses because he always forgets? He needs my e-mail missives, even if he thinks he doesn’t. He needs me to wear purple horns and cheer loudly for the Vikes when we’re watching the game.

I have not finished my motherly duty of teaching him how to fold a clean T-shirt so that it actually looks washed and unwrinkled (do guys EVER get this or is it a manual dexterity issue?). Who would make him his favorite meals and desserts? He needs me for the back scratches and head rubs that only his mom can give him. He needs me to point out grammatical errors that broadcasters make and say, “I better never hear you make THAT statement on the air…”

And his hair. Well, the young man would become a curly-mopped hippie with hair down to his waist if I died. I am his barber. Always have been. Always will be. He refuses to let anyone else touch his thick head of waves. (This quite delights me because even if he makes it big at ESPN in NYC, he will still fly home every 6 weeks for a haircut.) Without his barber, my son’s good looks would tank. That alone should keep me glued to life, don’t you think?

Most importantly, God needs me. He needs me to teach others about divine healing, about the power of His name, about the power of His Word, and about the will of God in the whole matter of healing.

Nope, can’t do dying. That’s all there is to it. 


Anonymous said...

Julie says, "I CAN'T AGREE MORE!" Just keep being a walking/talking billboard for God's amazing healing powers instead!!

Cole said...

I'm smiling and nodding in agreement!!

You've been so heavy on my heart and in every prayer uttered. FYI, "September" has been on MANY TIMES since I made that vow!!

I actually went into a laugh so hard I was crying while I was trying to drive the other day! (thankfully I was in a neighborhood and stopped while my kids asked what in the world was wrong with me!)

I was thanking God for the healing He's been doing in your body down to the cellular level and as I was blathering on to Him, I imagined Him rolling His eyes in an "I know, Nicole" gesture. Then, I said, I really just need a great big reason to celebrate right now and I can only imagine so many of your daughters dancing in their kitchens at one point in time to Your glorious news, Lord. The thought of that many Christian women dancing and laughing at the miraculous news while tears of joy streamed overcame me and I went into a laughing fit!

SO, I have been asking Him to fill your heart and mind with peace as this date comes near. I feelto my cellular level that He IS healing you. Even more solid about this than I did when you said you were meeting your new doctor (just as a second opinion I believe you said). I knew he was going to be on the same path as the rest of us regarding your healing and all I can do is smile when I think of this upcoming scan.

So, after rambling to you...No, you just can't die. You have too much to do and haven't had the time to do it all yet!!!! I think another thiry years AT LEAST. ;)

Sam said...

ESPN is in Connecticut, but yeah I need those haircuts.

Pipsylou said...

I totally agree.

I feel like my head is barely above water over here, which is why no comments from me! I am catching up - everyone asleep - for the moment, at least!

I love you and am praying!

Pipsylou said...

"That alone should keep me glued to life, don't you think?"

I love how you write...and I LOVE the grammar thing. I also love what you wrote about my needing someone who "gets" her anxiety.

Yes, yes, I do.

Nope, no dying. You've got a heck of a lot of living to do!

I am praying, praying, praying!