Tuesday, January 26, 2016


It is time for a health club. The steroids of last year which ravaged my muscles do not have any self-recovery that is worth mentioning. Yes, I can walk up steps now with a handrail, but I am still very unbalanced and weak all over. I should have joined a club last fall but I did not know how I was going to react to the new chemo, so I needed to wait to see if I would feel able to go regularily.

Dick took me to get me started on the machines. He made a point right off the bat by putting me on the leg press and stuck it at a mere 60 lbs. Thinking I could easily handle that, I pushed as hard as I could. It was impossible. I went down by 10's, and when I realized I could only press 20 lbs, I realized how badly I need this. I am totally motivated to improve on all 12 machines in the next months. I am going to teach those steroids a lesson. So this week I am fairly sore; haven't used these muscle groups in so long.

I have gained 5 pounds and am thrilled to be only 3 pounds away from my fighting weight!! 

For anyone looking for a good book to read, I am captivated with BEAUTIFUL OUTLAW: Experiencing the Playful, Disruptive, Extravagant Personality of Jesus. It is by John Eldredge. All the biblical accounts of Jesus put him on a 2-dimensional plane....He is full of love and compassion. Eldredge, who I love as a Bible scholar and a terrific writer, extracts the 3-dimensional Jesus and looks at His fierceness, his cunning, his exasperation, his irreverence, his humor and playfulness, his extravagance and other character traits. I am reading my New Testament in a whole new light. You just may fall in love with Jesus all over again.

Will be seeing our kids in the next couple weeks. Can't wait.                       

Wednesday, January 20, 2016


I just came in from taking a bad fall on my walk today. People haven't shoveled snow from yesterday and I took a step on ice still covered by snow. Landed on my left shoulder and left hip, wrenched my back, and came within a couple inches of slamming my head on the sidewalk. My guardian angel was on duty, I know. It could have been so much worse. I ached all the way home, but decided that long-term soreness is exactly what the enemy wants, so I rebuked his intentions to make me sore in the name of Jesus. Within about 15 minutes, the aching was all gone. I am so grateful.

        Angel of God, my guardian dear
        to whom God's love commits me here
        Ever this day, be at my side, to light,
        to guard, to rule, to guide.

        (Did anyone else grow up with this little prayer said every day?)
          I still remember it. I still believe every word!

I saw my oncologist Monday and told her my decision not to comply with the recommended uppage of chemo dosage. I am at 3/4 of the recommended dose. I am simply unwilling to risk side effects. I said no to a brain scan and to a bone density shot. When you grow up a DK (doc's kid), you probably have a little more moxie when directing your own health care. 

Am still doing well on the new chemo. Except for the chronic chemo-constipation, I am fine! Still praying over every capsule, and will continue to do so!

God has healed my 24/7 nausea of the past 8 months, which is such a relief. He has also healed my lack of apptite and lack of thirst. I am eating as much as my husband. It feels remarkable not to be nauseated. I am drinking milk like the dairy cow population is dying.

For all the prayers, Dick and I can't thank you enough. 

Saturday, January 9, 2016


I pray out loud as I hold every capsule between my fingers. "In the name of Jesus, this chemo shall not give me side effects." Then I swallow it and pick up #2 and #3 pill and do the exact same thing.

I have been on it for 9 days. I have had NO side effects. Praise God. Considering the last chemo last fall that nearly took out my liver and had me at home on the sofa moaning, this is wonderful. I feel normal. Yesterday I had to increase my dosage by 50% so I am on the 2nd day of the increase. But I expect NOTHING to come from it. If side effects were to start, I would choose to go back to the reduced dosage I started on.

I am baking again and working (3 days next week) and cleaning and organizing and loving the feeling that I feel like Mary again. Mom and Dad would be so happy about this sacred season of feeling normal. How I wish I could tell them.

My first oncologist told me I could live til November 2011.

If she could see me now.

I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord. Psalm 118:17

Friday, January 1, 2016


I have just taken my first dose of the new chemotherapy. 4 hours in, I am still alive and functioning. What a cruddy way to start the new year.....putting poison in your body:)

Mark 16:17-18 assures me as a believer that I can "drink deadly poison and it shall not hurt me at all." That is God's Word, so it is a promise and I stand on it. I am imagining these horse pills to be filled with sugar.

I know this 5th trial of chemo will not cure me. I have incurable cancer. But I have a Healer God whose stripes are healing me. I don't know when.....He is slow sometimes.....but there are too many promises of healing in the Bible to quit having faith now.

I can't wait for the day!

Happy New Year.