WOULD LIKE A RE-DO

I would like the past 4 weeks to live over. If you saw my calendar, you would understand why. I have had appointments with ear people, multiple visits to my optometrist, Vance Thompson, mammogram people, physicals, blood draws, and we've had to travel twice to Sioux Falls. Dick has had just as many appointments as I have--one car is always out of the garage. And I have to see an orthopedic surgeon next week for 2 frozen shoulders. Ugh. This week has been hard. I had an eye procedure on Monday and had a bad reaction to it. Have never had so much burning and pain. (the doctor told me in his 30 years of practice, he hasn't had anyone have a reaction to it)......until me. Am now on 3 types of eye drops and having to warm-pack my eyes. I could not even lift my eye lids up the night of the procedure because lifting them would shoot severe pain behind my eyes. Enough details on that. I have yet another scan set in 2 weeks. Sigh.

We finally finished our baby's gift......the bookcase we refinished that her great-great grandfather built. It turned out great and I can't wait to take it to them and fill it with books.

We got a "smart thermostat" installed on our furnace. So  now, no matter where we are, we can set out thermostat up or down by cell phone. This will be so much better than having to ask a friend check it manually, to make sure pipes are still OK when we are gone.

I wish you all a happy Christmas holiday and new year. If I have time, I will let you know my scan results right before Christmas.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

It has been a busy late October and early November. Our calendar has something (or two things) every day. I guess it is good to be busy, though I have the stamina for only 1 thing a day. Visiting with friends at one of our homes, I need to limit to about 45 min- 1 hr. I hope to gain more stamina as time goes on. Maybe weight gain will aid in this. I have crossed the 99 lb. mark and was 99.4 yesterday. This excites me.....that I am this close to 100. I eat as much as my stomach can hold and still can't put on poundage.

Have had two special people to pray for. Our pastor (whose condition is not mine to share) has had a challenging diagnosis; my sister-in-law had spinal fusion surgery as well as another "fix" and has a long recovery ahead. When you can't do anything else for someone hurting, you can pray. And I have been---many times each day.

I took my brother's advice last year and did a good amount of Christmas shopping online. He swears by it. I now do too. I only have 1 item left to get at the mall for Richie. Feels so good to be done and now can enjoy the holidays without having to traverse in the holiday rush. We just have the fun of wrapping everything now.

Fellow parents of adult children: I had both kids and Richie fill out this info and get it back to me: Something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read. They all did it and it made shopping so stress free. They won't get all 4 things, but it gave me some leeway. I highly recommend this "tool."

After talking about this for several years, we finally pulled the trigger on having a new driveway laid. No more cracks with weeds growing in them every summer. No more heaves. The contractor did a fantastic job. We did have to park our car on the front lawn for a week while the cement cured, but it is a vast improvement to the eye and to the value of our home.

Our next project is getting our beautiful and bountiful tree on our berm taken down. We are avid tree people and this breaks our hearts. The tree is the largest on the block. But ever since we got one large limb taken off last year, the tree has started to rot and is encroaching on the curb and street. The city will do it for us and save us 2 thousand dollars...praise God for that. It probably didn't hurt that the street maintenance director is our next door neighbor.

It means we have NO shade anymore, but we'll probably plant a red maple or a red oak tree---or both---in the front yard. When the future owners of this house reach middle age, they might have a little shade. Having no shade for the near future will be tough

I am a big supporter of women losing their baby weight after a pregnancy as soon as they can. A shoutout to my friend MK who, with a 4 week old, is already trim again. She worked hard at it. Another shoutout to my unknown friend (we never did exchange names) who brought a week-old newborn to the club, wrapped her in one of those whole body papoose wraps and walked the oval for over a half hour while the baby slept on her chest. She told me that right now, this is what she is able to do to shed her pounds. Good for her!!

We like working at the new Vermillion Food Pantry. They did a nice job renovating the new space. I love serving the community by volunteering there.

I have a few friends who follow this blog who appreciate book suggestions and I kept a list this summer and fall of my favorites;

What Matters Most---Luanne Rice
While My Sister Sleeps---Barabara Delinsky
Dance with Me---Luanne Rice
Becoming---Michelle Obama
Grace will Lead us Home----Jennifer Barry Howes (about Charleston church                   massacre)
Where the Light Enters---Jill Biden
Point of View----Elisabeth Hasselbeck
The Tattoist of Auschwitz
The Bad Daughter---Joy Fielding
Once and Again---Barbara Delinsky
Off-Season---Ann Rivers Siddons
The Great Alone---Kristin Hannah
Blessings---Belva Plain
The Bridge---Lisa Tawn Bergren

These are some of the novels I liked best. When you read 3 per week, you miss recording alot of them, but the above were all good.

We are living in a deep freeze. I mean DEEP. Mid-January temps are crazy for this time of year but we've got them. Can't wait to go south!!!! Have new brain and lung scans in late December. Never look forward to them, but I do what I need to do. Pray that the scans will show NO INCREASES in tumor growth!

Happy Thanksgiving!

HAPPY NEWS

Happy November, friends. It is only 10 days away! Makes me think of snow and cold and makes me glad we get out of here for a little while in the winter. Wish it were for 3 months!!!!!

Richie and I just got back from a little road trip, golf with his brother in law in Kansas City and then on to Branson, MO where we had a real enjoyable few days. Saw THE best show, the Petersen Family Bluegrass show (currently ranked #1 in Branson right now). We loved their bluegrass so much we went back on Sunday to their gospel show.

Great as it was to get away, after 7 days, I was ready to come home. No place like home.

I had a tough 2 weeks before we left. I had (which I already wrote about) that  horrible throat wound which took a good week to heal enough to swallow without pain. The next day, a crown fell off a back molar when I bit into a hard almond. On Monday that had to be replaced and I was so numb the rest of that day, slurred all my words. That over, the next day I came down with vertigo. I so prayed we wouldn't have to cancel our trip, and God came through as usual.

Sam and Gretchen are going to have a baby girl in March. We found out in late August, but were sworn to secrecy til now. Fun news. I told God 9 years ago that I wanted to meet my first grandchild and would He please keep me alive to hold her? Unless I die in the next 6 months, it looks like I will get to meet her!!!
Happy family news!

Richie and I are working to finish refinishing the bookcase  that my grampa built back in the 1920's and has been passed down to every generation since. It is beautiful solid oak and will be passed down to little Miss Sweet Pea full of some of the 325 books I kept from Sam's childhood. He used to sit in front of the bookcase in his room (like about ages 2-5) and "read" to himself.

We are headed to the next Vikings game in Mpls. Always fun to try to get there once a year. It is so cool knowing your kid is sitting in the press box.

That's all for now, folks!

 Butterflies landing on all the people at the Branson Butterfly Palace. They liked my nectar stick.

 On Lake Superior shore with Sam and Gretch

Finding out about the baby

SCAN RESULTS

Instead of deer and water and pine trees out my front window, I now am back to dogs, children on bikes, people walking. Such a change to adapt to. So many adaptations in the house again.  The TV remote is different. Toilet paper on the other side of the "cabin side." Garbage can in kitchen on opposite side under sink. It will take some time to reprogram my brain once again.

The past week has been tough. I had my brain and lung scans last week, and I had a bad outcome from the anesthetists' intubation of me (I was sedated for the brain MRI). I came out of there with a wound on the back of my throat that had pus in the middle and looked like a tractor drove over my palette. Could not eat, drink, swallow or spit without pain. It was awful. Had to go to the clinic for a RX for Magic Mouthwash (Chris recommended this) to take the edge off the pain. Only today, 7 days later, have I turned a corner and feel that within a couple more days, it should be pain-free.

My scans showed little change since May, so I will be staying on my present chemo. I am always ready to hear YOU ARE CANCER FREE. But, not this time. To celebrate my status quo, we went to OH MY CUPCAKES and got one. Most delicious cupcake ever. Pricey, but incredible. It was after I ate that when the pain in my mouth set in.

I am down to 96 pounds. Granted, this week I did not eat much because of swallowing pain, but I tried all summer to try to gain some of my lost weight back and thought I was eating nice meals.....Richie would concur with this.....but I just couldn't get my numbers back up. I look like a skeleton and feel some days like I am wasting away. But I plod on.

I have lost stamina over the summer. I became very reclusive because I couldn't deal with people coming over and chatting forever. I can handle maybe an hour on a good day. I have just owned it and tell friends, "Your visit has to be less than an hour." I can do one "thing" per day. A Walmart shop, or laundry, or fixing a meal.......but not all three. I so hate the energy I have lost with these side-effects from Chemo. I do go to the Wellness Center every other day to work out. Hope it will help over time.

Have a great autumn!!

THE MAGNIFICENT BLESSING OF THE LAKE

One last missive from the deep north woods. Just when we thought we didn't have to go to town again, the tire on the Honda was low and Richie had to remove it and take it to town for diagnosis. Value-stem problem. Sure glad he noticed it before we started home.

Last night we had a HUGE old popple tree slam down to the ground behind the cabin. No wind. Just old age. Richie now has another job to tackle. I keep telling him it (chopping up the tree) can wait til next year, but it seems he can't relax if there's work to be done. (Next day: He is already done doing it and is now hauling the logs up the hill and deep into the back woods.)

Within the past 4 nights, we've gone from pleasant fishing weather in the evenings to downright cold or too wavy for crappie-fishing. Hope this is just a cold front that will move past. It is supposed to warm up tomorrow.

I will post a pic of our new bathtub. Heavy vinyl and keeps the water hot enough for both of us to soak for 15-20 minutes. Feels like a dream after having showers all summer. We fill it up with the hose from the laundry sink in the garage and can make it super hot. I've been wanting one for years.

Two does and their two fawns were walking by our fallen tree this morning. I don't know how anyone can hunt these beautiful creatures.

As I journey toward the end of my 2019 summer, it leave me to ponder how amazingly blessed we have been to have this oasis. There is everything I crave here.....total silence, hearing and seeing nobody for days on end, sleeping as long as I want, reading as much as I want, no expectations or responsibilities, deer walking through the woods near our picture windows, chipmunks scurrying across the deck. I am so aware of God here. I look at the stars in the dark sky and know that he has counted them all and calls them each by name (Psalm 147:4). He knows the very depth and breadth of every body of water in our state's 10,000 lakes. 

What did the two of us ever do to deserve the magnificence of this gift from the Creator? I know. Nothing. Like salvation, we didn't earn this piece of the northwoods. There was no way we could have earned it. In His great goodness, in His time, God lavished us with a tiny piece of heaven right here on earth.

It is not lost on me that not many people can have this luxury and we certainly don't take it for granted. We try to be good stewards of this plot of woods. I shed tears every fall that we close up and pray that the next 9 months go by quickly.

I think back to the 3 year search we made for a WI or MN cabin. Almost every weekend we were with a realtor. God's fingerprints were on the search....every door closed before us. As soon as walked in thigh-deep snow onto this property (in January of 1988), thick with birch and pine, and stepped into the all-knotty-pine cottage, we heard God's whisper,"This is the one I have saved for you."

And what would we have missed had we jumped ahead of God's plan for us? Sam would not have ever met his best friend James, he would not have ever met his wife Gretchen, we would never have had 4 amazing summers as Youth leaders in our church, when our cottage became a tangle of teenage fun and laughter. We would never have had gallons of blueberries to bring home every fall along with our fish. 

It is so true.....we need to wait on the Lord's plan to guide and direct our steps. So often He "feels" late. We had no idea we would wait 3 years to find our most loved and favorite place in the whole world. In any of our travels, upon arriving home, we have always said, "I would have rather been at the lake."

my new bathtub

Baby Margaux, whom we met last week. My great-niece. 

 

Richie's little sweetie, Margaux

                            I love taking the 4-wheeler 3 miles out to

the mailboxes to get our mail.

STARTING TO COUNT DOWN

Another perfect lake day up north. After I post this, I am going to get outside and enjoy it. We went to Duluth this week to say goodbye to some friends who are moving to Texas, meet our new great-niece, Margaux (who took to Richie like a duck to water....and apparently she doesn't do that with strangers). He lives up to his nickname, The Baby Whisperer. She is so precious. So glad my niece didn't have to work that morning and was home with the kids.

Then we went out to Morgan Park and surprised our dear friend Kay. When I went on bed-rest with Sam, Kay pretty much ran our lives. She took over as office director, (we owned a PT clinic), called me daily to encourage me, did library and grocery runs for us. We owe her so much that can never be repaid. 

We then drove up north to Ely to see my brother Mike and sister-in-law Shirleen. They have a cabin on Burntside Lake and had added an addition onto their log cabin we had not seen yet. So beautiful. Mike grilled us up lake trout he caught that morning and we stayed overnight. Left the next morning after he grilled us up a sumptuous breakfast. They have this huge deck overlooking the lake where we ate.

Sam came up for 2 days before we went to Duluth. It is always a happy time when he comes home. The Vikings had a couple of days off.

Getting mentally prepped for the brain and lung scans when I get home. I never enjoy them. But I am anxious to see the results of the gamma knife. Last week was my 9th year anniversary living with cancer. Praises to God for letting me live this long.

Enjoy your last weeks of summer.

Richie and Margaux

9 years walking with lung and brain cancer

A NO-BERRY YEAR

I just ache to think of summer being so close to over. It has been a perfect summer. EXCEPT that the blueberries did not come out this year. Dick and some of his guy friends all checked out our blueberry patch and there was nothing but a berry here and a berry there. They all agreed it was not worth going back to check later in the summer. 

So for the first year in 32, we are not coming home with any berries. We had so many berries last summer that I had to give my last 4 packages to my friend Jill before we left. We did go over to our widower friend Bill's and picked a 13x9 size pan full of raspberries from his lush raspberry garden. So yummy with cream.

Had an accident the other day. Just shows my muscle weakness from the chemo. Got stuck in the lake. Could not get into a standing position from squatting or kneeling or sitting so Richie had to lift me out of the water and help me stand and told me to just walk up our 6-ft incline where we launch our fishing boat. I started up the tiny incline, and gravity simply overcame my weak legs and I stumbled and fell backwards into the shallow water onto my back and head. The mobility and stability and flexibility I have lost astounds even me.

Richie finished making his wood-chip path between the garages, he filled the two turnarounds on our land and it looks great. We still have enough chips to cover an acre, I'm sure.

I have read so many books this summer, I can't remember the names of them or the characters in them. My memory loss plays into this too. I finish one and start another within 30 minutes and then I think the characters from the book I just read are in the current book. I really should take a few days between books, but my reading addiction won't allow that!!

We are driving to Duluth next week to see our good friends Sandy and Darrell. They are leaving to move to Texas and we want to see them. Hopefully some of my family will be there, but the girls both work and my brother and sis-in-law might be at their cabin. We'll see what happens.

 Sam is coming up tomorrow for 2 days. Can't wait! Gretch can't take any more time off work right now.....we will miss her being here. 

Here is a shot of our wood chipped path down to the big garage.

LAKE LIFE IS GREAT

We are home from our Mpls trip. The Twins lost to the Mets, but we had fun anyway. Sam secured us great seats behind home plate and under a balcony in case of rain or bad sun. We also put in several hours picking ivy off a side of their house. It had embedded in the stucco and nothing but hand-picking works. the fingertips of both our hands were raw. Felt good to help the kids in their big project. They can't paint their new house until this job is done. We offered to come for a work weekend just to finish it all up.

It was a sauna in the Cities. It felt good to get back in the cooler northland without humidity and extreme heat.

Today would have been my mom's 99th birthday. How I wish she were here and waiting for her party to begin. I miss her so deeply. She called me every night at about 8-9 "just to talk." When I'd answer the phone, she would always say, slyly, "This is yo mama." Said in jest, as if I would not recognize her voice!! Being motherless has left quite the hole in my heart.

We had 21 "widowmakers" taken down around our woods that were in danger of hitting the cabin or blocking our driveway if they were to fall. Fun to watch those guys climbing those huge popples and pines with dexterity and cut the chunks off from the top. Dick grubbed out the brush from around where they cut and it really opened up our driveway and valley. 

Right now he is outside creating a long curvy path from the concrete sidewalk down to the lower garage. He is lining it with bricks and making the path out of wood chips. The woodcutters left us two truckloads full of wood chips. Leave it to my husband to find a functional use for them.

I am studying the book of Kings right now. Interesting. I have no memory of what I read the day before, but I am enjoying it day to day. All the killing is a bit disturbing, but that was the life of the Israelites.

I just finished a great (and awful) book, GRACE WILL LEAD US HOME by Jennifer Berry Hawes. It is the saga of the Charleston Church Massacre and the Hard Journey to Forgiveness. It was unbelievable reading the details of Dylan Roofs intentional evil acts and the drama of the aftermath. Richie is reading it now. It is graphic and raw, but very real and authentic in terms of what survivors and family members went through. The book spans from the day it happened til the trial is over.

 The cedar shutters Richie made for me for the cabin

The four of us at the Twins game.

The summer is flying by. Enjoy every day. The 20-below days will be upon us soon enough.

JUNE IS SADLY OVER

I am sort of sad today, thinking that we only have 2/3 of the summer left to spend at the lake. It has been so perfect. We do not have that horrific heat that is at home. The air is clear and refreshing and the breeze off the lake is daily.

The only fly in the ointment are the mosquitoes. When we've had no rain for 6-7 days they die out and then after the rain, a new batch hatches out. Today I haven't felt one on me. We did however have the biggest, fattest, grossest spider in the house we have ever seen. I saw it on the window ledge in our bedroom, and it must have been 3 inches in diameter if not more. I reacted like a typical "girl" and ran outside to summon my husband to deal with it. It was one of those many-legged creatures that runs away from you if you miss swatting him dead. I'm glad we have one brave soul in the family! Though even he admitted this one was not pleasant.
  
I have been sleeping a lot. At least one 1.5-2 hour nap after lunch, and sometimes before dinner. Maybe I'm just overly relaxed, but it does make me feel like I wish I had a hobby up here. I've also been reading some really good books from the library. I just started my 3rd book for the week.

I have been trying so hard to gain weight this summer.....whole milk, butter, etc. but I just can't put the pounds on. I can eat until I am sickly full but by the next morning, I remain the same. I guess I inherited my mom's high metabolism. My doc in SF wants me to have a blood test in July just to check on everything. He's letting me off of my scan cycle for the summer and not making me come back to SF so this is the least I can do!

Richie made me beautiful cedar shutters for the cabin and also 2 fences, one at the entrance of our drive with our name on it. That man works his tail off out here. Wish I had half his stamina. He caught a nice 3-4 pound bass the other morning, and he cooked it up with beer batter, and I never eaten such a delectable piece of fish. I could not stop oohing and awing with every bite. I would eat beer batter bass fresh out of the lake 5 days a week.

Sam came up last Friday to spend the night with us and drop off his dog to dog sit for a day and a half while he and Gretchen went to her big family reunion an hour away. Their Captain loves coming to the lake, running around the acreage, wading in the water. He is a sweet dog.

Do you know what I love about being in the woods without anyone around? I can wear the same clothes (baggy and definitely worthy of the Civ) for a whole week, then wash them and wear them the next week. It is nice not to have to think about how I look (usually like an old haggard woman)!!!!!

We are headed to a Twins game with the kids in a couple weeks. Too many injuries......they need to get the roster full again and start playing like they did in May and June.

Hope the summer is going well for anyone who is reading this.

God bless

ALMOST MOVED IN

We are back up north. And NORTH it is. We've only had 3 days that have hit 70. It gets plenty cold at night....the propane furnace goes on quite often. But still, just looking out at the lake warms my soul.

I started my vacation with 6 days of chest pain. I ended up in the ER in town where they did every test imaginable on me and were able to rule out a heart attack and a lung clot. I left with probably a $20,000 ER bill and no certain diagnosis. She guessed maybe "esophageal spasms." and gave me an RX.

I sent out a mass email to my prayer warriors and within about 48 hours, the chest pains were greatly reduced and within another day of that, they were gone.

I have the most powerful group  of prayer partners you could ask you. They are incredible intercessors.

We didn't have mail until Saturday. The Vermilion PO had a snafu in their forwarding system and were a week late in getting our stuff sent out, but at least it is here now. Our USA Today newspaper even got screwed up and was sending our copy to our home everyday. We finally got that resolved.

Sam was free for 2 days to come and help Richie with the heavy-lifting in getting the place opened up, dock in, boat lift in, boats in the water, shutters carried down to the garage, etc. 10 years ago, I was still helping him but cannot do anything like that anymore. Sam was a godsend.

We are still not 100% moved in and organized, but getting there. It is getting to be quite daunting to pack up our lives and come, and then pack up our lives to return. It is no longer easy.

A bright spot was stopping by Brad and Karol Broderson's new cabin on Marion Lake on the way up. We stayed overnight with then. Their new digs are beautiful. 

Well I have a bunch of business to tend to online, so must go now. We got fiber-optic cable put in and now have email and Wi-Fi. Still no cell service so texts rarely come or go, but the internet is great. I hope you are all enjoying your summer.

M.

WARMTH HAS ARRIVED

This will probably be my last post before moving north. The house is total chaos as we gather things out of closets and drawers and set them all around so we remember to pack them. While gathering up stuff, I am able to purge along the way. A line from my purging bible helps me let go: Use it up, wear it out, make it work or do without. Much of the stuff we have saved is already used up and worn out!!

Spring in Vermillion is beautiful. Our grass is so green, all of the fruit trees have the most fragrant blossoms that waft through town. Daffodils and tulips are up and so colorful. Lilacs in bloom. Can’t get enough of sitting on the deck, reading, and taking deep breaths of God’s fragrances in nature.

My eyes are still adapting. I badly need a good pair of cheaters (I have 6 pair from the Dollar Store, and have no idea what the strength is. In another 2 or 3 weeks they should be able to determine what I need. I no longer can see the computer or my cell or anything else within about 18”. But boy, is my distance vision unbelievable! There hasn’t been a day yet that I haven’t gone to the bathroom to take out my contacts. I can’t seem to break the 50-year habit of doing it. Muscle memory is tough to break.

I bought a car for myself (Richie approved). I have resisted getting a car to replace our 18 year old Caravan, because I think she could go another 50000 miles (she is at 200000). Car shopping was horrendous last year, but by a series of God-directed fingerprints, I found a used Odyssey that is like absolute new-from-the factory. 

Immaculate, no bells and whistles (which I didn’t want), simple dashboard buttons and knobs. I cried when we gave our keys to Rosie to the salesman. She has been dear to me through all the years of Sam’s growing up years and she has held some of our most precious memories. When I see her in the used car lot now, I wince. BUT, within 2 days, I was all about my Odyssey (as yet unnamed). Tears dried up and all smiles for the new wheels!

I saw my oncologist on Tuesday. I refused to come back to SF for scans in July. I said I was going to wait til September and he agreed to it. The only medical task I need to do is have a blood draw in July. First year I have not gone back. Be bold about your own healthcare.

Well, I will miss our work at the Food Pantry every Wednesday. Dick and I have enjoyed the “giving back” by serving shoppers who can’t afford food. We have met so many great people, shoppers and volunteers alike. And we will miss the move to the newly constructed pantry downtown, ready for move-in in a couple of weeks. We will appreciate all the extra space.

I should be able to post FROM HOME this summer. We are getting fiber-optic cable on May thirtieth. No more library trips, an hour away, to have to email someone!

May God bless your summer in every which way, and rain down safety and peace and good health to you and your families.

                                                               

  First pic is of Rosie and me  before we left to adopt her out. Second is the new used car.                                                         

HAPPY MAY DAY

What great author said, “These are trying times?” Oh, yes they are. My two cataract surgeries are over and now I am in the healing/adjusting phase, still needing to patch my eyes at night, still needing to do eye drops every morning, and still adjusting to being able to see. It is not 100% clear yet and I have some double-vision that may or may not get better. I can’t do much for 2 weeks so I spend a lot of time sleeping and laying on the couch listening to music. I did conquer a pot of potato knofle soup for supper tonight.

It is sort of weird. I keep wanting to go and take my contacts out and be able to see up close like my watch and computer, crosswords, cell phone and remote  (I need cheaters for all that). There was something great about seeing under your fingernails or file a fingernail with no glasses on.

Patience, Mary, patience. It could take up to a month for total healing. I am praying God will work quickly on that. We have a date with the north woods in 3.5 weeks.

My skull numbness has improved but the right side of my head is still numb and hard. The front and back and left side are ¾ “thawed.”

Dick and I are still purging the house. We went thru our bookshelf and packed up 60 books that we will not read again.  They are like new; I wish I could have a book yard sale. Finally able to part with clothes that I’ve had for 25 or more years. It leaves me with very little, but I HATE shopping. Don’t need much at the lake; maybe this fall, I’ll be able to see well and feel like getting some new stuff.

Bless you for your prayers.

Happy May Day!! 

 They wanted me to wear these goggles to bed for 2 weeks, but I had to switch to an eye patch 

on both eyes because they were just too uncomfortable

This is my night-time eye attire. On both eyes.

HAPPY EASTER

Yesterday was the last day I will ever wear a contact lens in my right eye. I started wearing contacts at the end of 8th grade, 51 years ago. I have to wear glasses for 3 days before my surgery. It will sure seem strange, but wonderful, not to have to put them in my eyes every morning!!! Surgery on right eye is Monday at 6:30 AM.

Richie just arrived home from Kansas City after golfing with his brother-in-law the past two days. Nice for him to spend time with his family and just get away. They found close to 100 balls!!! He won't have to buy golf balls for 5 years!! We'll give a bunch of them to Sam.

I finished purging our bedroom and was going to start on the bathroom closet today, but have been busy all day with other things. Tomorrow I will tackle that. If you need motivation to lighten your load, please read a short book called Outer Control, Inner Calm by Gretchen Rubin. She is an amazing motivator for being able to let go of things you don't use, or need, or want or love. Just because Mom and Dad or my grandparents had it, it doesn't mean I need to keep it....that is what has tripped me up for years.....I'm sentimental. No longer. Thank you Gretchen Rubin.

I just finished 2 great books. I don't know if you are a fan of Michelle Obama or not, but her new autobiography BECOMING is one of the best non-fiction books I've ever read. Very raw and authentic, enlightening and inspiring. The other is called GIRL UNBROKEN by Regina Calcaterra and Rosie Maloney, about the true story of a girl (now woman) who finally got up enough courage to write about her horrific childhood of gross abuse and neglect. It's a hard book to read, but very inspirational . Right now I am reading the companion book (I didn't know one came before) of one of her sisters telling HER story. The 5 kids were consistently split up in different groups. It is Etched in the Sand by Regina Calcaterra

It makes me appreciate so much the loving foster home that my niece Rachel offered to maybe a hundred or more kids over the years. She loved and cared for them so well.

It is 85 degrees and I am headed out to the deck to read. WINTER IS OVER!!!!!

Happy Resurrection Sunday! So blessed are we that our Savior loved us so much that He would die for us and rise up again in glory!!!

CATARACTS SCHEDULED

Two weeks now since the gamma knife procedure. I still have a numb skull and experience moments of panic when I think it will always be like this. But they said "weeks to months" so I just need to wait out the time. The peg holes are scabbing over, still hurt, and Richie found two more in the back next to the other ones that nobody said anything about. Did they hit the wrong spot and had to do it twice?? I will ask the radiation oncologist when I see her in 2 weeks.

The two peg holes on my forehead are starting to scab and heal as well. One is barely visible.

Today I had my 2.5 hour evaluation to see if I am eligible for cataract surgery. I am and decided to go forth with it. I spent most of that time testing with opticians, optometrists and technicians who did tons of tests on my eyes. The best part of the eval was that  my choice of surgeon was available at the end of my appt to come and talk to me. I chose Vance Thompson, the internationally recognized ophthalmologist and surgeon. I cannot believe how laid-back and warm he was. So reassuring, helping me decide what lens will be best for me. Asking me about myself. He said at the end that it was going to be an honor to work on me and that he promised me a great outcome. I have total trust in his care.

This will happen on April 22 and April 29. I wonder how many miles over the 8 years we have racked up driving to Sioux Falls for for hearing loss, cancer, scans, scan results.  So tired of the drive. Good thing medical mileage is tax deductible.

So now I have 3 weeks and I refuse to worry about it. God tells us in scripture that we need to lay our burdens on him, and he will give us rest. And so I will.

That's it for tonight. I only slept last night from 5-7 AM due to the stupid decision to eat something sweet before bed, which I have vowed not to do. I was buzzed all night. I am WAY behind in sleep and am going to bed right now----at 10:00-----way earlier than my usual 12-1 AM I hope I can sleep for 10 hours.

Goodnight.

READY FOR HEALTH AND RESTORATION

Well, I promised a report on my Gamma Knife radiation and here it is: I SURVIVED IT! God showered me with a peace and calm that truly did pass all understanding.

The neurosurgeon, who told me he was from Cloquet, MN, came into my room and inserted 2 of the pegs (pins I guess they call them). (Yes, they numbed me up well.)

This pic is of half the "cage" they locked me into. The other half is attached like a football helmet with another two pins in the back of my skull. They did not give me sedation for the Gamma, but a sedative enough to make me dopey and mostly unaware, but I could still talk to them. I laid there for 2.5 hours without moving. That is another God thing. When it was over, they bandaged me up and sent me on my way.

I must say I had the greatest nurse ever. She stayed with me for the entire day, (as well as the day before when we did a CT and an MRI), tending to my every need with a huge smile and oodles of sweet compassion. She and I just clicked......we hugged when I left and she told me to "ring the bell" for last treatment. (from her lips to God's ears)

So, the life after Gamma Knife:

1. My entire head/skull is completely numb. I can't feel a thing, not even my hair. It may be weeks or months before it comes back. It is, friends, the weirdest sensation I think I've ever felt.

2. I have to sleep on 2 pillows for at least a week to keep my head elevated. For someone who uses a limp goose-down pillow every night (which means I'm almost flat), this is a real challenge. I have maybe gotten 3 hours of sleep each night. After tonight, only 5 more nights to go. 

3. My son has aptly dubbed me "Numbskull."

4. My skull itches and I have to rub anti-itch cream into my hair and thus making a mess when I lay against anything. I carry a towel around. Interesting that an unfeeling scalp can itch and that the cream temporarily helps.

5. Today I am in a new phase of beauty. The med is running down and pooling under my eyes giving me a lovely blue/purple hue and I have my 2 pin scars on my forehead that have to heal up and I have very trendy yellow betadine highlights around and on my hairline and eyes. (Scary mommy)

6. I have to rest and elevate my head for a week. I have not left the house for 6 weeks between the bronchitis and vertigo and bad eye problems. Why should I let Richie have to give up the honor of frequenting Walmart and doing almost all of the cooking.????

7. My vertigo is getting so much better. Praise God for that.

God gets all the glory for a good outcome to the Gamma Knife procedure. We won't know how effective the treatment was til my next scan. I was anxious about it and God's fingerprints were just all over it, giving me a great team, his amazing grace and peace, and a successful outcome.

I will have Richie take a picture of me post-recovery!! I am so ready to be healthy, feel healthy, and live a restored life!

Thanks to you all for the multitude of prayers for me before and during this time of stress.

Happy April. Let spring begin!!

Gamma-Knife

It has been a tough month....maybe the worst since I had my brain radiation in 2015. Just before we were to leave on our Florida trip, I came down with a severe case of vertigo. Richie had to carry me to the bathroom. The spinning was awful. I threw up twice the first day and prayed like mad I would be over this in 5 days so I could pack. 

The flight came and went without us. By this time, I also had bronchitis and Dick had an URI. We loss our deposit, we disappointed Sam, we disappointed ourselves and I have been battling guilt because it is all due to me. I have been planning this vacation for a year---only to lose it.

I spent the next 3 weeks basically fighting vertigo, for which there is no cure. I have not been out of the house in 4 weeks, sleeping most of the time. That is my escape, the same one my Dad used. 

On the 3rd week, I developed diplopia/convergence insufficiency in my eyes and see double. This put an end to my beloved books which kills me

On Monday I will go for my scans------that would not phase usually put they are making me use a traditional MRI----the long tunnel-----which I know I couldn't get through without total panic so they have agreed to sedate me for that one. If my brain tumors are growing, they will do gamma-knife radiation on my brain the next day. I would take 10 root canals over this. I told them they will have to give me the strongest shot of sedative they have. I want to remember none of this.

I won't get into my cataract worries yet. I need to live thru the next week. You could join me in my prayers for peace and calm and no shaking from fear. I know a half dozen "DO not fear" scriptures which I'm trying to memorize. I do trust that God will put the contingent of Ekstrom angels around me both days. I will write when its all done and results are known.

Dear Sam and Gretch, who just 2 days before sold their house so they could move into the new one, got the worst news. the basements of both the new house and their own house were getting wet in this flooding. Some of my friends in Vermillion can't even get out of thie own house. Water surrounds them.

 She is alone......Sam is working in Chicago......and if I didn't have vertigo, I would be up there in a flash. A friend has been helping her. I so pray they the water damage doesn't ruin new dry wall and that they can get the carpet restored in the old house, so they can show it again. The first buyers backed out. Just ache for them.

Love to all...(ignore all the typos today. Am too weak to edit)

HAVE HAD BETTER WEEKS

If ever there was a bad week, I am having one. On Tuesday, I was told I will need cataract surgery. This, folks, terrifies me. Always has. The thought of anyone cutting on my eye gives me all-out anxiety. And I know I need it....my vision keeps deteriorating in my right eye, more to chemo side effects than normal aging. I deferred the big 3-hour evaluation til after Florida since I can't wear contacts for 2 weeks prior to the eval. If they could just knock me out.....but I understand I will be awake, but unaware. What if I do become aware? O, man, this is not what I wanted to hear. I could worry myself into a total panic.

Then the next day, I woke up with a raging case of vertigo. Richie had to carry me to the bathroom. I could not sit up, walk, bend or turn on head. It has never been this bad. I finally vomited at about 10:00 from the spinning. Needless to say, I spent the entire day on my back, mostly sleeping and watching the ceiling. It was slightly improved the next day but even today I still am woozy, unsteady on my feet, and feeling as if my head is unattached to my body. I am praying so hard that God will heal the vertigo totally before we leave on our trip. I could not go like this. I'd be a liability.

I spent Valentine's Day in bed again, and was once again reminded what love really looks like. It is not flowers and chocolates and fancy dinners out. It is having a husband who meets your every need, bringing me a vomit bowl (then, without a word, taking it and dumping it out, cleaning it, and returning it to me), wipes to clean my mouth, gum to take the edge off my rotten breath,  a phone to have next to me, ice water, bathroom carries, holding me up by the armpit when I tried to walk. This, friends, is true love. You newlyweds are rolling your eyes now, but your time will come when this becomes a reality for you too. Real love, real commitment.  I am so blessed with Richie.

I am able to sit still on this computer chair and type this without spinning today. I am grateful for that. It feels like improvement.

If you are a pray-er I would relish your prayers for quick healing of this awful vertigo.

Thanks.

NO BIG SNOW HERE

I officially hit a sad low in my weight today. Haven't been under 100 pounds since I was a "tween."  Looking back over the last few weeks, I haven't really liked any of the hamburger dishes that Dick has made and have eaten less than usual. I SO need to put on 5-10 pounds. It's so hard when you're not supposed to eat sugar or white carbs in any form.

We still hold out hope that Sam and Gretch will get a unit at our place. Another week to 10 days is all we have before flights for them would be all filled up. I pray boldly every day.

My Ancestry results were underwhelming. I know more from the research I did many years ago when I wrote books on each side of my family's history than I learned from them.....much more. The only matches that were close were my first cousin Nancy and 3 of my second cousins and about 500 6th-8th cousins. Why no just go back to Adam and Eve? Pretty worthless. They did not even get the breakdown right. I am 25% Irish and they got that close, 22%. But they missed our ancestral home, Castleblaney in County Wexford. They said we came from County Cork.. They had me for 33% German and I am 50% German. They gave me 31% English and I am 0% English. So anyway......it was not an enlightening report.

4th day without a headache!!!!!I am no longer using my new perfume and it has made a difference.

We got a snitch of snow last night. We've had brown grass and dry roads it seems, for weeks, even as our neighbors to the north of us are getting inundated with snow. I like brown grass. This morning there is a light covering of snow....maybe an inch. My heart aches for all of you who are getting dumped on in the past couple weeks.

I am not a political person, but New York's new abortion laws have me thinking that we have a nations of barbarians. That a full-term pre-born baby can be murdered just minutes before she is born ........they are no better than the Nazis. That a big crowd of people cheered outside the NY capital when it was signed makes me sick to my stomach. Instead of this heinous procedure, why don't we have a nationwide push for ADOPTION?? Have the baby you do not want and give to a waiting couple who is yearning for a child. Maybe the government should give a sizable check to women who choose to have their child and agrees to give them to an adoption agency?? Could that change their mind?  I'll step down from my soapbox now.

Off to take a nap.....I have learned to love them!! Stay warm and safe.

     Delayed answers to prayers are not denials. Many prayers are received and recorded, yet underneath are the words, "My time has not come." God has a fixed time and an ordained purpose, and He who controls the limits of our lives also determines the time of deliverance.  (From Streams in the Desert)             

DECISION MADE

My decision as to what option to take was actually made for me, and I think it is the best one. I called my Denver doctor's staff to set up a remote conference with him, and they never did get back to me. I don't know if my note was lost or if God's hand made it  disappear, but that week of waiting gave me discernment. I knew I was supposed to go back on the chemo that I was taking before I took the drug holiday.

My SF doc wants to re-scan me (read: dread and sighing) in 2 months and see what this chemo is doing. If the new tumors are increasing, we will have to either go up in dosage or try the brand new targeted therapy for my type of cancer. Or I will need to have the radiation again to the brain which makes me quake with the thoughts of needing steroids afterwards again. I believe I would consult my University of Colorado doctor. He is a world -renowned expert in my strain of cancer.

I keep reminding myself that God has the final word. Not drugs or radiation. I keep my eyes on Him and His Word.

We have been in the polar vortex like the rest of the midwest and east coast. Yesterday we had 45-below (wind chill temp) which I realize is warm compared to northern MN temps which got down to 64-below. Our little cabin is creaking and shivering. I am sure that the lake has frozen clear to its bottom and that ice won't be off the lake til well after fishing opener. 

We have been pretty much inside for 3 days. The whole town pretty much closed down for Tuesday and Wednesday. Today is 6 degrees and we had to get to Walmart for groceries. We were out of nearly everything. By Saturday, it should be 40!!! Break out the cut-offs.

We are still prayerfully waiting for a condo unit for Gretchen and Sam in Florida the same week that we are there. But few people have released their units for rental. I will feel so sad if they can't come.....they make Florida vacations so much more fun.  I will get on next year's waiting list this month. A year in advance puts me pretty close to the top of the waiting list. Sun and warmth can't come soon enough for me.

We have a new baby in the family. Margaux Bea was born to my niece Betsy (Mike's youngest daughter) and her husband Michael about a month ago. Can't wait to meet her. Wish we didn't live 9 hours apart.

I hope you all survived the past week without frostbite and a greater sense of gratitude for being able to afford the gas/oil to heat your warm homes.