I love listening to challenging sermons on-line during the week. Most larger churches archive their sermons with summaries so you know what the subject matter is. I am a huge fan of Pastor Les Beauchamp of Lifegate Church in Omaha. I was smitten the first time I listened to him in person while visiting his church....was writing so fast to capture everything he said. He is an amazing teacher. They have other preachers on their staff who are also very good, but Beauchamp is the one whose sermons I seek out. He is a gifted and anointed Spirit-filled preacher.
Dick and I found a series on healing that we just listened to. The American Christian denominational churches of today have failed in teaching their flocks about the biblical truths of divine healing. (Beauchamp's church experiences healings every week) His teaching in this series was brilliantly crafted with the truth from God's Word. We soaked it in!
All of this is not to stand on any kind of soapbox, but to say that this ability to access great teachers by a few mouse clicks is a lifegiving gift from this digital age!
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Thursday, February 18, 2016
SCAN
I need to have another brain MRI. Having some symptoms. Dick and I had to cancel our spring break trip since we don't know what is on the horizon....we were so looking forward to it. The condo owner was gracious enough to refund our whole deposit.
Ask me how much I hate cancer.
Ask me how much I hate cancer.
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
OLD ME AND NEW ME
I miss me.
The me before cancer.
I wish my new since-cancer friends knew that me. I wish my daughter-in-law knew that me. I wish my husband could live with that me.
Except for my relationship with Jesus, which has exponentially increased in richness, the take-aways have been many. Some profound.
I have been teaching Gerontology for 35 years. So much of what I taught about the normal aging process is applicable to myself. I have the loss of visual acuity from the vitreous detachments, the loss of hearing from radiation, the muscle weakness and balance issues from the steroids, the huge memory loss. What else can this disease steal from me?
I miss the me that was sillier, more free-falling. I miss the me that was confident in walking 2 miles every day, unafraid of falling. I miss the me that did not have to ask my students to repeat themselves 3 times until I hear their answers. I miss looking out at falling snow without being glazed over by the vaseline-effect on my eyes. I want to read without the vitreous making marks all over my pages. My hair came in thin and sparse and around my forehead and top sides, no hair came in so I have alot of facial flesh. Too much. I don't like that I have been forced to become a germophobe to protect myself against any possible respiratory bug.
I feel more isolated, less quick to commit to anything, less quick to volunteer---not knowing how I will feel on any certain day. Maybe a soft shell started to develop around my sensibilities.
My husband loves me just as I am. For that I am so blessed. He also is the one who is most affected by my losses and the only person who intimately knows how they have changed me. His love and his support allow me to keep walking forward. His faith that healing will come and the old me will be redeemed means more than anything.
Perhaps the upside of all of this is that I have already had to adapt to all the aging-like changes that most of you haven't experienced yet. It is doable, y'all.
And God is still good. All the time.
The me before cancer.
I wish my new since-cancer friends knew that me. I wish my daughter-in-law knew that me. I wish my husband could live with that me.
Except for my relationship with Jesus, which has exponentially increased in richness, the take-aways have been many. Some profound.
I have been teaching Gerontology for 35 years. So much of what I taught about the normal aging process is applicable to myself. I have the loss of visual acuity from the vitreous detachments, the loss of hearing from radiation, the muscle weakness and balance issues from the steroids, the huge memory loss. What else can this disease steal from me?
I miss the me that was sillier, more free-falling. I miss the me that was confident in walking 2 miles every day, unafraid of falling. I miss the me that did not have to ask my students to repeat themselves 3 times until I hear their answers. I miss looking out at falling snow without being glazed over by the vaseline-effect on my eyes. I want to read without the vitreous making marks all over my pages. My hair came in thin and sparse and around my forehead and top sides, no hair came in so I have alot of facial flesh. Too much. I don't like that I have been forced to become a germophobe to protect myself against any possible respiratory bug.
I feel more isolated, less quick to commit to anything, less quick to volunteer---not knowing how I will feel on any certain day. Maybe a soft shell started to develop around my sensibilities.
My husband loves me just as I am. For that I am so blessed. He also is the one who is most affected by my losses and the only person who intimately knows how they have changed me. His love and his support allow me to keep walking forward. His faith that healing will come and the old me will be redeemed means more than anything.
Perhaps the upside of all of this is that I have already had to adapt to all the aging-like changes that most of you haven't experienced yet. It is doable, y'all.
And God is still good. All the time.
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
JOIN THE CLUB
It is time for a health club. The steroids of last year which ravaged my muscles do not have any self-recovery that is worth mentioning. Yes, I can walk up steps now with a handrail, but I am still very unbalanced and weak all over. I should have joined a club last fall but I did not know how I was going to react to the new chemo, so I needed to wait to see if I would feel able to go regularily.
Dick took me to get me started on the machines. He made a point right off the bat by putting me on the leg press and stuck it at a mere 60 lbs. Thinking I could easily handle that, I pushed as hard as I could. It was impossible. I went down by 10's, and when I realized I could only press 20 lbs, I realized how badly I need this. I am totally motivated to improve on all 12 machines in the next months. I am going to teach those steroids a lesson. So this week I am fairly sore; haven't used these muscle groups in so long.
I have gained 5 pounds and am thrilled to be only 3 pounds away from my fighting weight!!
For anyone looking for a good book to read, I am captivated with BEAUTIFUL OUTLAW: Experiencing the Playful, Disruptive, Extravagant Personality of Jesus. It is by John Eldredge. All the biblical accounts of Jesus put him on a 2-dimensional plane....He is full of love and compassion. Eldredge, who I love as a Bible scholar and a terrific writer, extracts the 3-dimensional Jesus and looks at His fierceness, his cunning, his exasperation, his irreverence, his humor and playfulness, his extravagance and other character traits. I am reading my New Testament in a whole new light. You just may fall in love with Jesus all over again.
Will be seeing our kids in the next couple weeks. Can't wait.
Dick took me to get me started on the machines. He made a point right off the bat by putting me on the leg press and stuck it at a mere 60 lbs. Thinking I could easily handle that, I pushed as hard as I could. It was impossible. I went down by 10's, and when I realized I could only press 20 lbs, I realized how badly I need this. I am totally motivated to improve on all 12 machines in the next months. I am going to teach those steroids a lesson. So this week I am fairly sore; haven't used these muscle groups in so long.
I have gained 5 pounds and am thrilled to be only 3 pounds away from my fighting weight!!
For anyone looking for a good book to read, I am captivated with BEAUTIFUL OUTLAW: Experiencing the Playful, Disruptive, Extravagant Personality of Jesus. It is by John Eldredge. All the biblical accounts of Jesus put him on a 2-dimensional plane....He is full of love and compassion. Eldredge, who I love as a Bible scholar and a terrific writer, extracts the 3-dimensional Jesus and looks at His fierceness, his cunning, his exasperation, his irreverence, his humor and playfulness, his extravagance and other character traits. I am reading my New Testament in a whole new light. You just may fall in love with Jesus all over again.
Will be seeing our kids in the next couple weeks. Can't wait.
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
CHANGING THE PROTOCOL
I just came in from taking a bad fall on my walk today. People haven't shoveled snow from yesterday and I took a step on ice still covered by snow. Landed on my left shoulder and left hip, wrenched my back, and came within a couple inches of slamming my head on the sidewalk. My guardian angel was on duty, I know. It could have been so much worse. I ached all the way home, but decided that long-term soreness is exactly what the enemy wants, so I rebuked his intentions to make me sore in the name of Jesus. Within about 15 minutes, the aching was all gone. I am so grateful.
Angel of God, my guardian dear
to whom God's love commits me here
Ever this day, be at my side, to light,
to guard, to rule, to guide.
Amen.
(Did anyone else grow up with this little prayer said every day?)
I still remember it. I still believe every word!
I saw my oncologist Monday and told her my decision not to comply with the recommended uppage of chemo dosage. I am at 3/4 of the recommended dose. I am simply unwilling to risk side effects. I said no to a brain scan and to a bone density shot. When you grow up a DK (doc's kid), you probably have a little more moxie when directing your own health care.
Am still doing well on the new chemo. Except for the chronic chemo-constipation, I am fine! Still praying over every capsule, and will continue to do so!
God has healed my 24/7 nausea of the past 8 months, which is such a relief. He has also healed my lack of apptite and lack of thirst. I am eating as much as my husband. It feels remarkable not to be nauseated. I am drinking milk like the dairy cow population is dying.
For all the prayers, Dick and I can't thank you enough.
Angel of God, my guardian dear
to whom God's love commits me here
Ever this day, be at my side, to light,
to guard, to rule, to guide.
Amen.
(Did anyone else grow up with this little prayer said every day?)
I still remember it. I still believe every word!
I saw my oncologist Monday and told her my decision not to comply with the recommended uppage of chemo dosage. I am at 3/4 of the recommended dose. I am simply unwilling to risk side effects. I said no to a brain scan and to a bone density shot. When you grow up a DK (doc's kid), you probably have a little more moxie when directing your own health care.
Am still doing well on the new chemo. Except for the chronic chemo-constipation, I am fine! Still praying over every capsule, and will continue to do so!
God has healed my 24/7 nausea of the past 8 months, which is such a relief. He has also healed my lack of apptite and lack of thirst. I am eating as much as my husband. It feels remarkable not to be nauseated. I am drinking milk like the dairy cow population is dying.
For all the prayers, Dick and I can't thank you enough.
Saturday, January 9, 2016
CHEMO UPDATE
I pray out loud as I hold every capsule between my fingers. "In the name of Jesus, this chemo shall not give me side effects." Then I swallow it and pick up #2 and #3 pill and do the exact same thing.
I have been on it for 9 days. I have had NO side effects. Praise God. Considering the last chemo last fall that nearly took out my liver and had me at home on the sofa moaning, this is wonderful. I feel normal. Yesterday I had to increase my dosage by 50% so I am on the 2nd day of the increase. But I expect NOTHING to come from it. If side effects were to start, I would choose to go back to the reduced dosage I started on.
I am baking again and working (3 days next week) and cleaning and organizing and loving the feeling that I feel like Mary again. Mom and Dad would be so happy about this sacred season of feeling normal. How I wish I could tell them.
My first oncologist told me I could live til November 2011.
If she could see me now.
I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord. Psalm 118:17
I have been on it for 9 days. I have had NO side effects. Praise God. Considering the last chemo last fall that nearly took out my liver and had me at home on the sofa moaning, this is wonderful. I feel normal. Yesterday I had to increase my dosage by 50% so I am on the 2nd day of the increase. But I expect NOTHING to come from it. If side effects were to start, I would choose to go back to the reduced dosage I started on.
I am baking again and working (3 days next week) and cleaning and organizing and loving the feeling that I feel like Mary again. Mom and Dad would be so happy about this sacred season of feeling normal. How I wish I could tell them.
My first oncologist told me I could live til November 2011.
If she could see me now.
I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord. Psalm 118:17
Friday, January 1, 2016
HAPPY NEW YEAR
I have just taken my first dose of the new chemotherapy. 4 hours in, I am still alive and functioning. What a cruddy way to start the new year.....putting poison in your body:)
Mark 16:17-18 assures me as a believer that I can "drink deadly poison and it shall not hurt me at all." That is God's Word, so it is a promise and I stand on it. I am imagining these horse pills to be filled with sugar.
I know this 5th trial of chemo will not cure me. I have incurable cancer. But I have a Healer God whose stripes are healing me. I don't know when.....He is slow sometimes.....but there are too many promises of healing in the Bible to quit having faith now.
I can't wait for the day!
Happy New Year.
Mark 16:17-18 assures me as a believer that I can "drink deadly poison and it shall not hurt me at all." That is God's Word, so it is a promise and I stand on it. I am imagining these horse pills to be filled with sugar.
I know this 5th trial of chemo will not cure me. I have incurable cancer. But I have a Healer God whose stripes are healing me. I don't know when.....He is slow sometimes.....but there are too many promises of healing in the Bible to quit having faith now.
I can't wait for the day!
Happy New Year.
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