The phrase "going from bad to worse" sits about as well in my gut as food right now. It doesn't.
So my bad week went into a week of "more bad."
Folks, when you have friends or relatives with cancer who tell you about their chemo constipation, they are not talking about "not having gone for a couple days." They are talking about the chemo turning everything inside that colon to hard glue. It is serious stuff.
Even though my cancer doc took me off chemo a week ago, and my hospitalization was to have cleared out the system, the abdominal pain kept increasing and the week was a really tough. I hadn't eaten in about 4 days because food was not going down.
On Friday, I had early radiation but they decided to keep me for further tests. I had a contrast CT scan and a bag of IV fluids (badly needed) and a 4 hour wait to see the test results.
My bowels were massively clogged from the chemo runoff. Distended three times their size. They sent me home with orders to solve the problem. The next 48 hours were miserable beyond words as I tried my best to get down the Go Lightly. I got 1/2 done and if I had taken one more sip I would have vomited. So I had to quit early. I have no idea what the final results were without another xray and I am about radiated out of my head.
My stomach has so shrunk that 8 spoons of soup and a plop of jello fill me up. I have to start on a very mild diet full of things I haven't eaten in 40 years. White bread. White rice. No fiber, no veggies or fruit with any skin. Nothing whole grain. Bland and uninteresting.
As if I needed one more issue to torment me, the side effect of radiation I was hoping I would not get blew in full force. Chest pain and heartburn the likes of which I've never experienced. Feels like a heart attack 24/7. So every bite of the food I am supposed to "push" feels like a branding iron going down my gullet.
Oh my.
I have no idea what the future holds for treatment. I will finish my radiation on the tumors encapsulating the bronchus. It is day-to-day survival until then.
I take some comfort in feeling that I have gone as low as I can. It can only get better, can't it?
4 comments:
I'm praying
I am feeling like one of my dearest sisters in Christ has been fitted with "Job" shoes, and I don't like it one bit....I want to yank the crappy-fitting, stinking things right off your feet and throw them in the river! I wish I could do something besides tell you that I love you and that you still inspire me; that I am praying for you and still believe that when we hit ROCK BOTTOM, Christ is the ROCK at the BOTTOM. He hasn't changed, His love for you hasn't stopped. Stay strong, Mary! Luvu, ju!
Sending a ton of prayers your way, for both you and your dad....there are not enough words to express the heartache I am feeling for you.
oh Mary, my heart is so sad right now- I am praying for you my dear dear friend and hoping the pain subsides. You have such determination it is amazing! but you always did.
I keep you in my thoughts always.
Love you dear friend !
Kirn
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