HERE WE GO

The call just came. I am set up for radiation at 3:00 today. By the time I get home, I should have received my chemo.

Here we go, folks!

"....And these signs will follow those who believe in Jesus Christ.....In My name, if they drink deadly poison, it WILL NOT HURT THEM AT ALL..... Mark 16:16-18"

I am standing on that! Stand with me in claiming that truth!

THE CURRENT REGIME

Life is about to change. I love changing my furniture around, love changing out throw pillows and changing up recipes, but I inherited the Hieb gene that does not like fundamental life change.

And it is about to change. At least for 4-6 weeks.

They are going to try to radiate my encapsulated brochial artery and pulmonary artery with targeted radiation. The hope is that it will kill enough of the cancer cells to release the pressure squeezing my airway right now. It will be a course of 4-6 weeks, every day.

Needless to say, commuting every day of the week is not how I want to spend my autumn, but it will get done. I am soliciting names of my girlfriends who are not working fulltime to be on call for driving me if the fatigue factor gets bad or if Dick cannot accompany me. I have such awesome friends ready to stand in the gap for me.

I was supposed to begin the new chemo tomorrow, but because it is so new, the warehouse was unable to get it to me today and I will need to wait until Thursday to begin.

So I will start both regimes on Thursday.

As I said before, my biggest concern is eating, being able avoid all of the potential GI side effects from the drug. Today when I got home I searched for the verses in Scripture that promise God's protection. He is beside me, ahead of me as a shield, a fortress, and has me under the shadow of His wings. I had these great images of protection. I am claiming by faith in His word, which cannot lie, that I will be protected from all of the side effects of the drug.

This is coming from a girl who gets nauseated from Tylenol, folks.

The side effects of the radiation are quite different, but nonetheless concerning, so I need protection from those as well.

At 11:30 tomorrow morning, my dear "spiritual mom" Mary Ruth is coming over and my friend Julie is trying to be there and Dick is coming home and my best friend Susan will be on speaker phone. We are spending 15 minutes praying for protection and taking authority over cancer in the name of Jesus. If you happen to have a free few minutes tomorrow at 11:30, please pop over or join us wherever you are and lift up a prayer of proclamation that God is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do. He WILL protect me.

The words THANK YOU ring hollow, as you cannot know how much your support and prayers have meant to me the past week. THANKS just doesn't say enough, but it is all I have to give you.

I will let you know how the first two days go.

PLEASE PRAY AGAIN

There are too many of my Christian brothers and sisters in Christ reading this blog for me not to share with you the specifics of prayer needed right now.

My tumors are growing and multiplying. We were not prepared for this. The shortness of breath is due to one of the new tumors around the pulmonary artery and the bronchus.....this is not good, folks.

The chemo I have been on for 2 years, daily, is no longer effective. The cancer cells get smart and start adapting to it. It is clear that the metastases are aggressive, as I had a good PET scan June 1st. This all happened as I sat in a blueberry patch and filled my bucket this summer.

I will know more on Tuesday after another appointment with a radiation doctor to see if they think they can do any radiation on any of these lesions. For now, I am beginning a new chemo drug on Wednesday, one just off clinical trials. The side effects are potentially many. The ones that concern me are always nausea and vomiting and diarrhea because if I cannot eat or lose any weight, I am in a world of hurt. I no longer have an ounce more to lose. Fatigue is another, and this concerns me as well, as I want to keep working.

If they can do any radiation, it would be every day for weeks. This means an hour commute to Sioux Falls every day. That wears me out just thinking about it. But we'll know that on Tuesday.

My soul has taken a battering on this. I cannot even fathom that this is the beginning of the end. I know I must regain my footing for faith in healing. I have not heard from God that He is not going to heal me. His promises have not changed since Thursday morning. I have not heard from Him that this is my time to lay down the sword. So I need to get my faith back. It has taken a punch. 

But I have an amazing group of supporters around me who are standing in total faith with me, most of all Dick, who has been my rock and preacher, and Sam, who refuses to give up any hope that healing will happen. Cole, Susan, Mary Ruth, Sandy, Julie, Rachel.......THANK YOU. Please hold tight for me until I can get my gear back on. If we give up now, satan wins, and 4 years of faith will be for naught.

Satan does not want me healed. That I know. John 10:10 is clear that he is out to kill, steal and destroy my life. On Thursday when I told my best friend Susan the news, she went outside to her backyard to sit and pray for me, and when she prays, SHE PRAYS. Suddenly, a horde of wasps started attacking her (wasps do not attack without provocation). She started running for house and 3 of them even got into her house. She was badly stung 5 times. She said, "Mary, it felt like the devil himself....it was clear to me that he did NOT want me to pray for your healing." The devil wants to win this.

For those of you who pray for me, I ask you for two things right now: that I would expereince NO side effects from the new drug, and could continue to eat-----and that my heart and soul would find its way back to my Healer God, Jehovah Rapha. He gets NO glory from cancer, but He gets ALL the glory for healing me, and I still believe that is His will. Pray that I would FEEL again what I KNOW in my mind is true from Scripture.

Thank you in advance for approaching the Throne of God and interceding for me.

Bad News

Friends,
I got bad news today from the CT scan. News we did not want to hear. I have no energy to write about any of it right now. I will when I can. Please just pray for me....for Dick, Sam and me.....that we can face what is ahead. Pray that our faith in healing is not damaged beyond repair. Thank you.

BACK IN THE SADDLE

I am out of the woods and plugged in again. There is an element of relief to be disconnected from people's ability to "access" you at any time. I did not miss cell phone (dumb phone, for me) calls and texts (I got some, missed some), and I did not miss Facebook or email for the most part. What I did miss A LOT was the ability to hear my son on sports talk radio via internet live stream. At the lake, we cannot access any Mpls radio stations on our satellite radio (though we DO get a crystal clear WCCO----best TV newscasts ever) so without a computer, we could not hear all the times he was on. It feels like having your kid be a starter on the football team and not going to the game. He has been getting more air time on 105 The Ticket (the Twin Cities' newest sports talk radio) and we are so proud of him, but it has been miserable not being able to tune in.

And so this Monday, Tuesday and Friday, you can guess where I will be at 2-3 each day: listening to the Michael Knight show on my computer and waiting for my son's mouth to open and wax on about the Vikings/Twins/Wolves/Gophers. Best part about being "plugged in" again for sure!!

I will get some pictures from the summer up this week sometime. My goal for this week is to try to get our lives re-organized from unpacking hastily, and to get some answers for my lung issues. I have had a great deal of shortness-of-breath this summer as well as wheezing that "whistles" and "honks." My mind, naturally, has thought of all the "what if's," and I worry about the cancer having spread to my air passages. To that end, I have a CT scheduled for Tuesday and will get the results on Thursday, so I should know what has happened. I pray it is NOT the worst case scenario.

Nice to chat with y'all again!

OLD FRIENDS

There is so much to blog about, and I am a little frustrated because we are totally "unplugged" this summer and blogging is not happening. I miss writing.

Our ancient dial-up internet had finally seen its last day, and after waiting over 20 minutes for mail to load, we called and cancelled the service. So. We have no internet (read: no email, no Facebook, no blog), and we do not have smart-phones (our little dumb phones do get most texts if they are sitting in the right window at the right time of day). We hurriedly check our email at the library once a week when we go to town for groceries and errands, so blogging is out of the question at the library.

Along with the frustration, however, is an blanket of pure inaccessibility that does bring a contentment. Very little information in the world of social media is life-changing, and we can well live without it. Our friends and family know to call us on our trusty old land line with any "vital" news. We have yet to get a call with anything earth-shattering. 

So there is a blessed quiet that frankly, supersedes the missing my blog. I will catch up at the end of the summer with my musings.

That said, since I am here in civilization for a weekend with my parents in Fargo, I had to at least share my pictures of my visit with my two sweet, wonderful girlfriends. One of my 2 best friends from high school, Peg Johnson, flew to Fargo from Seattle on a week I was scheduled to be with my parents, and Colleen Cebula, another good friend of ours, drove over from Jamestown and we met for breakfast, which turned into lunch and went into the afternoon!

22 years melted away as we picked right up where we left off. We could have just left a cheerleading practice and been sitting in our little blue skirts and white sweaters at Polar King eating a dusty-road sundae.

It was such a special time. These girls have been such amazing supportive, loving friends walking this cancer journey with me. They have showered me with so much encouragement while going through some very tough times of their own. (Peg is my friend I blogged about who lost her husband in February)

But, really, I am a little ticked that they simply HAVE NOT AGED. To me, they look just like they did in high school. SO not fair!!!!

Paul Johnson (Peg's twin, and my junior prom date!), Paul's wife Jan, Peg, me, Colleen

Colleen, Peg and me.... bet we could still do those cheers......

MABEL

My mother-in-law died this morning. She lived a full and long life and was, indeed, ready to die, but she will be greatly missed by our whole family. I loved her sprite and unpretentious self!

She was a hard-working farm wife, marrying after losing her only sibling and parents in young adulthood. She was not a woman of great humor or spontaneous fun. She did not express her emotions well. Perhaps the great losses she had early in life or the serious nature of her daily vocation or being married to a stoic Swede tempered whatever mirth she may have otherwise displayed. But she was sweet and energetic in her own gentle quiet way.

At the beginning of our marriage, I always felt she thought I was from the wrong side of the tracks, or that Dick married beneath himself. I knew nothing of life-on-the-farm, and that was of great importance to her. For years I felt hurt that she never asked me about my career or my opinions and I was never able to engage her in discussions about deeper issues that I love to share with other women.

Eventually I accepted what I could not change, and learned to chat about things in her comfort zone. When I turned to the subjects of crops and farming and weather patterns and cooking and her relatives, she always had a good deal to share. Though I always yearned for a deeper relationship with Mabel, I learned to be content with what she was comfortable with and what mattered to her own sensibilities. When I had Sam, we often talked about raising children and she always had good common sense about that. She was always an engaged grandma whenever she was with Sam, and I loved seeing her interact with him.

She was a wonderful gardener, a good cook, and a generous neighbor and friend who was always inviting people over for dinner. There was always food for more mouths at her home. She took painting classes in retirement and became quite an accomplished artist. She and I shared a love of reading.

I loved that Mabel was a true prayer warrior. After my diagnosis, she never failed to tell me she was praying for me every day, and that touched me so. 

My favorite memory of her is also the funniest memory I have. A lifelong orthodox Baptist teetotaler, she was clearly out of her element when at my nephew Dan's wedding reception, the waiters poured champagne for all the guests to toast the bride and groom. We looked down at the table she sat at with my father-in-law and others and she turned pale as the toast was made and her husband picked up his glass and took a sip with the rest of the crowd.

The look on Mabel's face, the daggers in her eyes toward Art as he imbibed an ounce of champagne was too priceless for words. I can still belly laugh thinking about it. She was about as non-confrontational as a woman could be, but if in their marriage she ever chewed him out, it was probably that night in their motel room!!

I most admired about her the easy adjustment she made when she had to sell her home and move into an assisted living facility. She transitioned with grace and without yearning for the “things” she had to give up. What a great example she was of successful relocation in old age. She was so kind to other residents and to the staff and was always appreciative of any help given her. 

I was a verbal and expressive city girl, and she was a reserved farm wife. In most ways, our lives could not have been more different. 

And yet.

For the love of one man, her baby and my husband, we were united. She birthed the man whom I chose for life, the man without whom my life pales and weakens.

Mabel and I both deeply loved this one man.

In the end, perhaps it is not the breaks in the chain that define a relationship, but the links.

And our largest link joined our two hearts forever.

Rest well, dear lady. And thank you for sharing your son with me.