Monday, January 17, 2011

NUMBER SIX

Tomorrow is my 6th and last chemo treatment in Round 1. I will find out tomorrow how long they wait before scanning my bod and seeing what has happened from the radiation and chemo. I am having all 4 of the drugs at once for this round, so I am hoping I won't have added side effects. Drug #4 alone doesn't give me any side effects, but last time it was combined, I felt much worse in my gut for several weeks.

I would be lying if I said that I don't have any anxiety over the future decisions that must be made.....go to a new drug.....continue on this chemo regime.....try a clinical trial.....do nothing and observe......it is daunting. Brother Mike will walk through it with me and advise me from a medical standpoint, which will be a blessing.

While we continue to believe in God's willingness to heal me, Scripture gives no words about His timing, so I simply don't know what the immediate future holds.

Please pray that the combined regime tomorrow would be tolerated well and that the lining of my gut (which already has probably permanent changes and always feel roiled up) won't be worse. Pray that I can feel a sense of peace about the scan, and not be despairing if it shows no change in the tumors (this more than anything). To get back on the road of despair leaves us unable to function, and we CANNOT go there. Please pray that Jesus would be quick to calm my anxieties as we move from Phase 1 into Phase 2 of this journey.

I realized over Christmas break as I looked at my son sleeping that if someone in my family had to get cancer, I'm glad it was me. Not that I am glad I have it AT ALL. But if it came down to Dick or Sam having the cancer, I know I would be a wounded animal and begging God to trade places with either of them, and trying to bargain with God every which way. It would kill me if it was either of them. So, if it had to be one of us, I am glad it is me.

I thank you in advance for your prayers for this tenuous next few weeks and I will update as I know about timing of everything.

And if you have some spare prayer time left, please pray for my niece Gretchen, who is ever-so-ready to be done with pregnancy and needs this birth to happen ASAP. She reached the end of her patiently-waiting status a couple of weeks ago, and is doing everything she can to promote labor. So send up some prayers for water to break, contractions to start, and a non-complicated birth to happen NOW!!! Thanks!!



PRAY FOR MY SWEET NIECE!!



I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction, and knew the anguish of my soul. You have not handed me over to the enemy, but have set my feet in a spacious place. Psalm 31:7-8

2 comments:

Gretchen said...

I'll be thinking about you and praying for you all day tomorrow that everything goes well, and that you might get a break from some of that anxiety. I love you so much!

Thanks for the prayer request for this swollen, impatient girl! Like you said, we can't know His timing! It sure would be nice though, wouldn't it!?

Love you past the moon!

Cole said...

#1-I will lifting prayers up in your name every time I think of your tomorrow...for a lack of side effects and a heart that feels peace, not anxiety.

#2-I know your niece is MISERABLE in her pregnancy right now, but thank you for posting the ADORABLE picture!!