Sunday, May 20, 2012


With the results of my next PET scan 2 weeks away, I have been forming a resolve that no matter how much cancer activity they report I have, I won’t grumble or be swayed in my faith that God is healing me. Each time I have received disappointing news, I have felt vulnerable to Satan’s attacks. How the enemy loves to crush spirits. I have told God I didn’t like His timing. I have entertained doubt and was a good hostess for a couple days.
This time, they can tell me my cancer has doubled in activity. But I am determined not to give testimony to my senses. What I see and hear has no bearing on faith. I will give testimony only to what God’s promises have told me. If faith is the evidence of what is unseen, then what I see on those radiology reports that does not jive with the Healer’s promises is irrelevant.
It is not surprising that God has drawn me into the fourteenth chapter of Numbers this week. God told Moses to send out spies to check out “the promised land.” Moses instructs them to analyze the soil, the crops, the inhabitants and the cities. Good general info to have when relocating.
The explorers returned to report their findings to Moses and Aaron and the whole Israelite community. They brought back samples of fruit and then proceeded to grumble about the land they traversed. “Sure, the land is flowing with milk and honey, but the people are powerful and the cities are large and fortified.”
Caleb, one of those sent, tried to intervene, claiming the Israelites CAN and SHOULD go take possession of the land for he knew God would support them. But his fellow spies continued to rip up God’s promise and no doubt were rolling their eyes at Caleb. They had seen what they had seen, for goodness sake.
The spies incited the community to come down hard on Moses. A major pity and grumble party ensues…..”If only we had just died in Egypt” was the lament. Bring out the violins.
They forgot about The Promise. They doubted God when the news was not what they wanted to hear. They bore testimony to what they SAW with their senses. God’s word was forgotten.
Joshua, also one of the explorers, pleads again with his people that God will do the leading, that they should not rebel against the Lord, that they need not fear the people living in their promised land because the Israelites, with God’s protection, “will swallow them up.” I’m sure the mass of listeners, in light of the report they just heard about walled cities and giant-size residents, thought Caleb and Joshua were both in denial.
Joshua’s words fell on fearful, deaf ears. God’s promise was trampled by His chosen people who feared what they saw instead of believing what He had told them.
God had heard enough. Their lack of faith would not go unpunished. “Not one of you will enter the land I swore to make your home except Caleb and Joshua. As for your children, I will bring them in to enjoy the land you have rejected. But they will be shepherds here for 40 years, suffering for your unfaithfulness.”
Devastating news for a people who once “had it all.” God’s love, protection and promise were all theirs. They squandered it with doubt. They chose to trust what they saw and heard instead. The cost was God’s blessing.
The Lord got my full attention in Numbers 14. If my PET news is not what I want to hear, I do not want to be a doubting Israelite. I want to be a Caleb. I want to be a Joshua. I want to pursue the healing promises I have found in Scripture and believe to be God’s truth. I want to move forward in faith, despite what any radiologist can tell and show me.
After 21 months of dancing with incurable stage 4 cancer and standing on God’s word for healing, I know one thing to be true. Radical, unwavering faith is many things, but at the very least it will look to others like complete denial.


CKoehn said...

I have read every single word of every post, and I think this one is my favorite (except for ones with family pics). :) It does not sound like denial to sounds like strength, hope and pure belief in God. Love, Colleen

Cole said...

Unwavering faith based on unfathomable love should never be seen as denial. Your solid foundation is all you can grasp onto some days, yet it's exactly what you need. I love your words and savor that story God has given us. Such a beautiful testimony to give strength to press onward.

I'm standing with you in this faith, knowing that whatever medical science has to say will be an earthly opinion of things yet to be seen. LOVE YOU and PRAYING FAITHFULLY!!!

Anonymous said...

Dare to be a Joshua in a world of doubting Thomases! I'm with ya, sister! Luv and miss you~ Ju!