I am on my 3rd dose of double-strength chemotherapy, and so far so good. Dick and I are claiming Mark 16:18 as mine, and thus far, the "deadly poison" Jesus talked about has not hurt me, just like He said it wouldn't. I believe that God is protecting my healthy cells.
I have struggled the past 3 weeks with extremely dry mouth and I have no reason for it. The chemo has never had that side effect, and my diet is no different. I wish I had an answer. It is sometimes hard to talk....it is THAT dry. I have tried all of the Biotene products and they last only minutes after using them and are not real effective. If any of you have any ideas on why sudden and intense dry mouth might occur, let me know!
My vitreous detachment has been worse the past 10 days. I have a feeling there may be a second detachment in that right eye, as the blurred vision is pretty constant. It is such a frustration and a loss. We are praying hard for healing of this as well.
Dick's off-hand comment tonight that maybe we should just amputate my right leg sounds like a real consideration! From the stiff hip to painful buttock to painful right kneecap and very sore ankle, I have reached my end of tolerance for the leg. While I can walk, it is hard to stand and hurts all the time. Radiation is a killer.
On the lighter side, I went to a doc's appt in the city last week to see if I can get on top of this depression with meds. I am tired of it sweeping up on me every few weeks. I met with a very nice middle-aged gal. In the course of the first 6-7 minutes, I told her why I needed some tweaking, but did not mention the cancer til later in the conversation. When I did, she said, "Oh, whoa, wait a minute. Hold up. Let's go back. You have cancer?"
"Yep," I replied. "Stage 4 lung cancer."
"When were you diagnosed?" she asked.
"August of 2010," I answered.
Her eyes widened to saucers and she nearly whispered, "And you are ALIVE?"
It was so funny! I'm sure she was expecting me to break into tears, but I thought it was really funny. I got a chance to tell her about my faith in healing! 16 months is the average survival rate. Without God as healer.
She proceeded to ask me all the standard psychiatric questions:
"Are you suicidal?" (no)
"Do you want to hurt others?" (no)
"Do you obsess over anything?" (I've had to become a germophobe since getting cancer, so I do wash my hands a lot more often to avoid acute illnesses)
"Are you manic? (no)
"Did your parents abuse you?" (no).....(I should have said, if you consider a 10:30 curfew on weeknights in high school as abuse of my social life, then yes.)
"Do you have any friends?" (lots)
"Do you hear voices?"
I paused (great effect) for a moment and looked her in the eyes and said, "You know, as a matter of fact I do. (now she is wide-eyed again) I don't know if you are a Christian or not, but I am and I know that the devil is alive and well and trying desperately to get me believe all his lies. I hear his taunting in my ears all the time. I hear him scheming over my life and I continually rebuke him. Now, I don't hear him audibly, but I do hear him, if you know what I mean."
Dr. C simply stared at me, nodded, and was mute. She couldn't say a word! I wanted to howl with laughter!!
It was a productive meeting and she is going to have me start on a little something once my body chemistry adjusts to the double dose of chemo, and we'll see if that can normalize those brain chemicals.
I dream about the day of total healing, and praise God in advance for what is coming. Thank you for all the prayers about the chemo. They have been heard. I am humbled by people still even checking in on this blog after such a long time. You WILL see "God's goodness in the land of the living."