My brief statement:
I have a brain full of cancer....too many tumors to count. I have been told to get my affairs in order. My grief is so deep I cannot find the bottom of it. I have no desire to speak to anyone except my husband, my son and my best friend. I don't want to hear anything about prayer or about standing on the promises of God when he says he will heal, or about faith in general. For all of you who rolled your eyes for 4 years when I claimed that God would get the glory from healing me, take a bow to yourselves.
That's all I have.
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Saturday, January 24, 2015
EYES ON MONDAY
We received news yesterday that we did not want to hear. After the amazing healing of my primary lung tumor, we heard that I have 5 brain tumors. We were shell-shocked and gut-punched.
If not for my amazing husband, who is the strongest man of faith I have ever known, I would still be wallowing in my tears. But like the quiet engine he is, he grabbed me and threw me back onto the tracks and I am right behind him, chugging along in faith. God did not change His promises for healing between Thursday and Friday. He did not change His divine will that all be healed. He still honors our unwavering faith in healing. Nothing in Scripture which points to God wanting me free of Satan's tactics has changed.
Satan cannot stand victory. And he will return again and again to "steal, kill and destroy" (John 10:10) God's people. He saw clearly that he was not going anywhere with the lung, so he has tried something new. He is a defeated foe. He was crushed at the cross and in the name of Jesus, we have all authority to cast his brain tumors into the hell from which they came.
My sweet husband has saved me once again, setting me back on the track. We now look to Monday, when an MRI will give more details. We are claiming Miracle Monday in the name of Jesus Christ. We are praying a big bold prayer that every tumor would be gone on the MRI and that the glory of God would erupt all over the place.
We ask you not to pray for me if all you have is "hope" that God will heal me. If you can pray a bold prayer of faith in and for healing or if you can do nothing but rebuke the enemy in Jesus' name, then by all means join us. When Jesus left the earth, he gave believers all authority to keep satan locked up, in His name. And that is what we, and our "inner circle" are claiming for Monday.
Bless the Lord, oh my soul,
and forget not his benefits,
who forgives all your sins,
and heals all your diseases. Psalm 103: 2-3
If not for my amazing husband, who is the strongest man of faith I have ever known, I would still be wallowing in my tears. But like the quiet engine he is, he grabbed me and threw me back onto the tracks and I am right behind him, chugging along in faith. God did not change His promises for healing between Thursday and Friday. He did not change His divine will that all be healed. He still honors our unwavering faith in healing. Nothing in Scripture which points to God wanting me free of Satan's tactics has changed.
Satan cannot stand victory. And he will return again and again to "steal, kill and destroy" (John 10:10) God's people. He saw clearly that he was not going anywhere with the lung, so he has tried something new. He is a defeated foe. He was crushed at the cross and in the name of Jesus, we have all authority to cast his brain tumors into the hell from which they came.
My sweet husband has saved me once again, setting me back on the track. We now look to Monday, when an MRI will give more details. We are claiming Miracle Monday in the name of Jesus Christ. We are praying a big bold prayer that every tumor would be gone on the MRI and that the glory of God would erupt all over the place.
We ask you not to pray for me if all you have is "hope" that God will heal me. If you can pray a bold prayer of faith in and for healing or if you can do nothing but rebuke the enemy in Jesus' name, then by all means join us. When Jesus left the earth, he gave believers all authority to keep satan locked up, in His name. And that is what we, and our "inner circle" are claiming for Monday.
Bless the Lord, oh my soul,
and forget not his benefits,
who forgives all your sins,
and heals all your diseases. Psalm 103: 2-3
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
PRAYER NEEDED
Blog friends, I need your prayers.
I am experiencing classic symptoms of a brain tumor. This feels like some very very cruel joke after the good news I received in December. I cannot get an MRI until Monday, so I have yet another 5 days to wait, riddled with anxiety and fear.
My faith is so battle-weary that I don't know how I can deal with this. I have felt joy and normalcy for 1 month. I fear I am to lose it all again.
Please pray for my head and my heart as I face this. Thanks.
I am experiencing classic symptoms of a brain tumor. This feels like some very very cruel joke after the good news I received in December. I cannot get an MRI until Monday, so I have yet another 5 days to wait, riddled with anxiety and fear.
My faith is so battle-weary that I don't know how I can deal with this. I have felt joy and normalcy for 1 month. I fear I am to lose it all again.
Please pray for my head and my heart as I face this. Thanks.
Saturday, January 17, 2015
PARENT CARE-GIVING
I have spent the past 4 days in Fargo. Mom had a small stroke and went from the hospital to a transitional care unit in the nursing home complex connected to her apartment complex. Her goal is to get enough OT/PT to go back home.
I don't know how residents fare transitioning into long term care without an adult child to advocate for them. How many of them fall through the cracks? I spent 8 out of every 10 hours a day with her in her room, but much of the day was spent advocating on her behalf. I was intervening at every interval of care making sure that her needs/wants/preferences were being met. It grieves me that so many elderly people do not have that kind of advocacy. One morning, I had 7 meetings with 3 different department heads, making sure I was being heard on Mom's behalf.
While there are some wonderful aides in long term care, there are still those who are condescending and impatient and unkind. It breaks my heart that those people are allowed to work with the elderly. When Mom had waited at least 6 minutes for someone to come and take her to the bathroom, I had to track down an RN who had to track down an aide. I flat out told her it was unacceptable for a 94-year-old bladder to be expected to wait like that. It took 10 minutes to answer the light (sigh). What happens to the people who have to wait and there is nobody to run interference for them?
I will get off my soap box. I get steamed up.
That said, her therapists are all great and she is working hard to recover.
My brothers and I are committed to continue to advocate for Mom for as long as we need to. And my sweet sister-in-law who lives in Fargo and visits often will speak up boldly for any injustice she sees.
I was so tickled to be able to go out for breakfast one morning with a dear old high school friend, Paul Johnson. We played catch-up with our families and our lives and our future plans. It was so great to see him.
Please keep my mom is your prayers for total recovery and relocation back to her home.
I don't know how residents fare transitioning into long term care without an adult child to advocate for them. How many of them fall through the cracks? I spent 8 out of every 10 hours a day with her in her room, but much of the day was spent advocating on her behalf. I was intervening at every interval of care making sure that her needs/wants/preferences were being met. It grieves me that so many elderly people do not have that kind of advocacy. One morning, I had 7 meetings with 3 different department heads, making sure I was being heard on Mom's behalf.
While there are some wonderful aides in long term care, there are still those who are condescending and impatient and unkind. It breaks my heart that those people are allowed to work with the elderly. When Mom had waited at least 6 minutes for someone to come and take her to the bathroom, I had to track down an RN who had to track down an aide. I flat out told her it was unacceptable for a 94-year-old bladder to be expected to wait like that. It took 10 minutes to answer the light (sigh). What happens to the people who have to wait and there is nobody to run interference for them?
I will get off my soap box. I get steamed up.
That said, her therapists are all great and she is working hard to recover.
My brothers and I are committed to continue to advocate for Mom for as long as we need to. And my sweet sister-in-law who lives in Fargo and visits often will speak up boldly for any injustice she sees.
I was so tickled to be able to go out for breakfast one morning with a dear old high school friend, Paul Johnson. We played catch-up with our families and our lives and our future plans. It was so great to see him.
Please keep my mom is your prayers for total recovery and relocation back to her home.
Saturday, January 10, 2015
BLESSED WEIGHT
The Hieb women are thin. From Nanny on down, we work at keeping ourselves pretty svelte. Even the newest Hieb, my nephew's new wife, keeps the traditional going with her about-a-size-4 self. My nieces who have had babies have retrieved their flat tummies quickly and keep them that way!
So it has been a really hard thing for me to lose my "thin" status and be forced into the "gaunt" label that chemotherapy side effects produced. From September until the first part of December, I had lost 8 pounds and looked downright emaciated. I have felt terrible about my appearance. I longed to be back in line with all my women-folk in the family.
And so I have eaten. And eaten. Once off the chemotherapy in mid-November, I have taken to food like a squirrel to nuts. And I am thrilled to say that as of this week, I have gained back 7 of those pounds and look my thin-and-healthy self again. My stomach is no longer concave and my cheeks have filled out and I no longer have any sagging skin under my arms. It feels awesome!!
I wondered during those awful weeks if I would ever look like me again, and I venture to say that it feels like another miracle to have gained this weight back. Kate, Anna, Gretch, Bets.....and the rest of you Hiebers, I AM BACK!! I didn't break the chain!!
So it has been a really hard thing for me to lose my "thin" status and be forced into the "gaunt" label that chemotherapy side effects produced. From September until the first part of December, I had lost 8 pounds and looked downright emaciated. I have felt terrible about my appearance. I longed to be back in line with all my women-folk in the family.
And so I have eaten. And eaten. Once off the chemotherapy in mid-November, I have taken to food like a squirrel to nuts. And I am thrilled to say that as of this week, I have gained back 7 of those pounds and look my thin-and-healthy self again. My stomach is no longer concave and my cheeks have filled out and I no longer have any sagging skin under my arms. It feels awesome!!
I wondered during those awful weeks if I would ever look like me again, and I venture to say that it feels like another miracle to have gained this weight back. Kate, Anna, Gretch, Bets.....and the rest of you Hiebers, I AM BACK!! I didn't break the chain!!
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