AUTHOR

For a long time my niece Rachel kept telling me not to grab the pen out of God’s hand……that He is not done writing my story. I don’t do it any more. I thought I was writing my own ending. And the final chapter was a funeral.

What I realize is that my story has to have God’s ending, not mine. And I believe with all my heart, based on God’s Word, that the ending is a good one. God wrote the first chapter while my tears stained the papyrus pages. The chapters kept coming at a pace I was fairly comfortable with, and kept being surprised by. The chapters He writes are of my ever-changing cancer journey, but more importantly, each page is filled with my journey in Him. His words have been tough and gentle, reassuring and challenging. The times I have tried to take the pen out of His hand were the times that fear became my overstrike key and I wanted to wish away the story that He was writing. I didn’t want to see the story. I didn’t want to live it out.

I find myself now seeing the current chapter, and feeling so strong, so full of faith in healing. The story he has allowed me to live out is a story I would never have chosen to be the protagonist of, but I am. I read what He has written, and I look back at chapters of fear and pain and worry and grief and see Him carrying me; and now I look at the newest chapters He is writing and I see words of belief and strength and fight and faith and normalcy and humor.

He has asked me to come away with Him in fellowship these past months and be renewed in Him. He has required me to sit idly by while He cuts a new pattern for my life, and then writes the storyline and plot. He has asked me for trust, and I have given it to Him. He has asked me to be still, and know Him and His healing promises. I have been still. Every single day He puts pen to the paper of my soul and writes this story in the way only a sovereign God could write it. I let Him write now. Rachel was so right. The author of Life can be trusted to be the author of my life. And when the final chapter is done, I intend to take pen to paper (or, keyboard to monitor) to bring His story of healing to the masses. And become that person who tells others cloaked in fear not to take the pen out of God’s hand.

NO OTHER EVIDENCE

I spent the morning taking advantage of the “sunny and 65” day by getting all the yard work done in the front of the house. I trimmed back all the shrubs about 6 inches, blew out all the leaves from under and through the bushes, cleaned the rocks and raked the yard. Feels so good to have that done. Think I'll wait til tomorrow to tackle the back.

  

  

CANCER PATIENT HIRES OUT FOR YARD WORK:

Thorough, dependable, but not cheap.

*****

There are moments when I am amazed at the levels of faith God has brought Dick and me to throughout the past 7 months. In August, we were pleading for my life. In September, we were praying for healing. In October, we began to stand on the Word of God for healing. By January, we began thanking God in advance for the healing that we believed was going to happen. And now, God has infused us with the certainty that His Word is true and that I am, indeed, healing. We stand on Mark 11:22-24. We believe it has happened and we await the “proof” (by medical standards) in His time. 

I read another wonderful devotional recently. It described our faith journey to a T. It said you must “pray your way into full faith, coming to the point of assurance, while still praying, that your prayer has been accepted and heard, and in advance of the event, with confident anticipation, actually become aware of having received what you ask.”

And further…..”Let us remember that NO EARTHLY CIRCUMSTANCE can hinder the fulfillment of God’s Word. We must look steadfastly at His immutable Word and not at the uncertainty of this ever-changing world. God desires for us TO BELIEVE HIS WORD WITHOUT OTHER EVIDENCE, and THEN He is ready to do for us ‘according to our faith (Matt 9:29).’”

That is what is so sweet about this. Dick (and Sam) and I have reached the point in this faith journey that we believe God WITHOUT OTHER EVIDENCE!! Even with a PET scan that shows unchanged tumors, we have evidence of healing because and ONLY because of God’s promises. Faith is the evidence of things unseen (Heb 11:1). The healing has not been seen by human radiological eyes, but that means nothing to us. We have God’s Word, which does not lie, and that is all the evidence we need.

No fear. All faith.

ONCOLOGY CONSULT

I will be consulting with another oncologist on Friday up in Sioux Falls. When I spoke with my insurance’s case manager, I asked her about them paying for a consult at some larger cancer center across the country. She said she preferred that I get a consult in SF first, and then if they feel that I could benefit from some treatment being given elsewhere, they can refer me and the insurance would pay for it. Dick and I want to make sure we have considered all options in my care.

I am looking forward to meeting this SF oncologist. The sister-in-law of a friend of mine works as an oncology nurse in SF, and I called her to “screen” the various doctors they have at one of the cancer centers there. When I told her I would really like to talk with someone who is into holistic mind-body-spirit approaches to cancer along with medical approaches, and someone who is a Christian and someone who knows lung cancer, she immediately said, “I think I know a good match for you. He fits all your criteria, plus he is very knowledgeable about clinical trials across the country.” So….I will let you know how it goes!

***

I get my staples out tomorrow morning. Sure hope that the soreness around my wound starts to ease up once they are out. Lesson learned: when about to faint, lay the heck down and don’t try any more heroics. And I will have the scar to remind me of that!!

MISSING MY MAN

I miss my husband!
I miss his presence around our home.
I miss his smile and the way his forehead crinkles when he laughs.
I miss the tender and loving way he treats me every day.
I miss talking to him at the dinner table.
I miss his warm feet in bed.
I miss rubbing the top of his head when we spoon.
I miss doing the daily crossword puzzle with him every night after dinner.
I miss his, "Can I do anything to help you with dinner?" after he comes home.
I miss our Saturday "honey-do" lists that we work on together each weekend.
I miss his heartfelt prayers when he prays for Sam and me.
I miss standing next to him in church as we worship in song.
I miss the sound of his voice.
I miss holding the hands that I could pick out blindfolded from a thousand others.
I miss my rock.
No absence can make my heart grow any fonder than it is. Our love can't get 
       any deeper.
I miss him, but I am so thrilled for him to be able to have this opportunity.
Only 8 more days!!

GIRLS NIGHT OUT

Had a fun night with 3 of my "inner circle" .....precious women who have been there for me since day 1 of my diagnosis, and have helped carry me this far with their love and encouragement and faith. I love them all. These are friends for the long haul and I could not be more blessed (and they are a ton of fun besides).

GIRLS NIGHT OUT WITH GREAT FRIENDS
JILL, ANGIE AND KAROL

WE WILL NOT BRAG ABOUT OUR BOTTLE OPENING ABILITIES

WE KEPT ONE EAR TO AMERICAN IDOL

KAROL HAD SUPER SNACKS.....SPINACH HUMMUS...YUM!!!

KAROL

ANGIE 

JILL

YOURS TRULY

 

MY FRIENDS ARE MY ESTATE.

Emily Dickinson

FEEDING 5000

The Lord made another passage in the New testament jump out at me today. I was reading the 6^th chapter of John. You all know the story. Jesus is sitting on the mountainside with his disciples as a great crowd of five thousand is gathering to hear Him. He looks at Philip and says, “Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?”

Jesus asks the quintessential rhetorical question here. Verse 6 tells us He asks this only to test Philip. Jesus knew exactly what he was going to do to provide food. 

Philip, taking the words of his Master literally, answered with sincerity, “Eight months’ wages would not buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!”

Andrew, Peter’s brother, also concerned about “the problem” that they think Jesus has, then speaks up, “Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will THEY go among so many?”

Can’t you just picture the disciples? A large crowd…..I mean LARGE. The feeding of which is humanly impossible. No catering services here. No food markets on the hillside. I imagine the disciples are getting antsy and a bit frantic. Especially since they think Jesus is asking THEM for advice! Their Lord and Master, miracle worker, is not knowing what to do?? To the twelve disciples, it feels like a no-win scenario filled with angst. But then Jesus steps up, blesses the fish and bread and it multiplies before everyone's eyes, enough to feed the entire crowd (with leftovers to boot).

In studying this story, God encouraged me with the reason why Jesus asked Philip such an irrelevant question. Jesus was making a point. He wanted Philip and all the other disciples to acknowledge the fact that there was no human solution to this problem. It was the epitome of hopelessness. Jesus did it that way so God would get all the glory for the miraculous provision that was going to happen.

Not only did the disciples witness the miracle, but verse 14 tells us about the crowd’s reaction, “After the people saw the miraculous signs that Jesus did, they began to say, ‘Surely this is the prophet who is to come into the world.’”

Mission accomplished? Absolutely. 

According to medical science, stage 4 lung cancer is a pretty hopeless fix to be in. But I serve a God of miracles, a God who delights in impossiblities, a God who doesn’t want us to look to anyone or anything except His power and might for a solution.

And I do. Without wavering.

STAPLES: YEAH, WE'VE GOT THAT!

I had to put these two pics on my blog just for one person in particular.....my baby brother, who loves blood and gore and stuff like this. Ever the antagonistic big sister, I hope his stomach lurches a whole heap when he sees this. (C, I finally got my payback for the time you cut your head when I chased you through the front door... you savage)

Taking a pic of one's own head from behind is near impossible!!!