For a long time my niece Rachel kept telling me not to grab the pen out of God’s hand……that He is not done writing my story. I don’t do it any more. I thought I was writing my own ending. And the final chapter was a funeral.
What I realize is that my story has to have God’s ending, not mine. And I believe with all my heart, based on God’s Word, that the ending is a good one. God wrote the first chapter while my tears stained the papyrus pages. The chapters kept coming at a pace I was fairly comfortable with, and kept being surprised by. The chapters He writes are of my ever-changing cancer journey, but more importantly, each page is filled with my journey in Him. His words have been tough and gentle, reassuring and challenging. The times I have tried to take the pen out of His hand were the times that fear became my overstrike key and I wanted to wish away the story that He was writing. I didn’t want to see the story. I didn’t want to live it out.
I find myself now seeing the current chapter, and feeling so strong, so full of faith in healing. The story he has allowed me to live out is a story I would never have chosen to be the protagonist of, but I am. I read what He has written, and I look back at chapters of fear and pain and worry and grief and see Him carrying me; and now I look at the newest chapters He is writing and I see words of belief and strength and fight and faith and normalcy and humor.
He has asked me to come away with Him in fellowship these past months and be renewed in Him. He has required me to sit idly by while He cuts a new pattern for my life, and then writes the storyline and plot. He has asked me for trust, and I have given it to Him. He has asked me to be still, and know Him and His healing promises. I have been still. Every single day He puts pen to the paper of my soul and writes this story in the way only a sovereign God could write it. I let Him write now. Rachel was so right. The author of Life can be trusted to be the author of my life. And when the final chapter is done, I intend to take pen to paper (or, keyboard to monitor) to bring His story of healing to the masses. And become that person who tells others cloaked in fear not to take the pen out of God’s hand.