BOOKAHOLICS ANONYMOUS

You would hope that a vitreous detachment, constant knee pain, dry mouth, and stage 4 lung cancer would be enough for one person to deal with.

Nope. I am also an addict. A bookaholic.

I have yet to locate a BA group in our area.

But here's the kicker. My love of book buying is limited to kids' books. I know, my child is 21 and no longer soaking in Franklin, Clifford and The Berenstain Bears. So why am I still buying kids' books?

I will digress. I am probably our library's biggest patron. The librarians know my 9-digit number by heart....never need to carry my card. Whatever book I want, they find it for me, in state or out of state. I read one or two books every week. I never consider purchasing books because once you read them, they collect dust. I have a bookshelf of my all-time favorites....books I own and reread, and I love having those around. But I just generally do not like "stuff" hanging around that I won't use again, so I am a devoted library-borrower.

But when it comes to kiddie books, I am a hopeless case. I think kids need to be read to as much as they need oxygen, sleep and food.                         

I remember being totally fascinated by this information before Sam was born: that exposure to words (both from verbal interaction with adults and being read to), clearly helps a child's brain build the neural connections and synapses that will enable the child to learn words. I learned that when you read to a child, the brain is stimulated, causing new synapses to grow and existing connections to get stronger.The studies I read on brain development in young children confirmed that being read to is a good predictor of better learning aptitude, better formation of critical language and enunciation skills, earlier grasping of abstract concepts, and greater memory retention and attention spans. 

I'm sure I learned all of that in freshman developmental psychology, but until you are ready to give birth to your first child, it doesn't have impact.

Sam's Pop-Pop (my dad) reading to our little book-lover

Well, I was not going to have our child go through life with fewer neural connections than his peers!!! And so, with the library in Duluth downtown and not very accessible, we bought books. And more books. And we read and we read and we read some more. We should have bought stock in Scholastic 21 years ago. Sam loved being read to and loved "reading" to himself. "Wead books, Mama" was daily music to my ears.

Those hours we spent in books every day were sacred, his sweet baby scent intoxicating as he snuggled tight against me rapt with every whimsical word. As he learned to talk, I would ask lots of questions and we would talk about the morals of the stories. I bought lots of books where the characters learned lessons in sharing, forgiveness, humility, integrity, and honesty. We could tell it was all sinking into his little self. His absorption well justified the book purchases, and I knew we were investing in his soul as well as his mind.

As long as he continued to love reading, I was committed to buying. (I figured new stories yielded new synapses and new character lessons!)

And somewhere along the line, I fell just as much in love with children's literature as Sam did. 

A couple weeks ago I was down in the storage room where there are 3 plastic bins and 2 boxes full of kiddie books. Out of curiosity, I counted them. Confession time: I have 274 kiddie books. This doesn't count all the books we got for him the years after kindergarten when he became his own reader. And I'm not sure I counted the ones in my dresser I haven't taken downstairs yet. 

Some of the latest in my collection

Most of our books are still like new.....for as much as we handled them, we were pretty gentle on them. And so again, with what I already have, what would possess me to continue buying kids' books?

1) Because I can. My generous teacher friend Amanda lets me order Scholastic books through her classroom. 

2) Because I love to give books as gifts to little ones. 

3) Because someday I may have a grandchild, and I would have the privilege of giving the gift of a huge library of books! I would always want my house to be a "book haven" for little ones, but Sam would get the lion's share and never need to spend a penny on books!

Sam so happy to get a new book!

Earlier this fall I had visions of sitting around the campfire at the lake, reading classics to these imaginary grandchildren when they would come to stay with us. So I bought 3 of the classics I did not have yet, but love: Trumpet of the Swan, Charlotte's Web and Stuart Little. I was tickled silly to tuck them into my collection. 

Some women can tell you all about designer brands of shoes and clothing. I can tell you about conversations between Wilbur, Templeton, and Charlotte A. Cavatica.

As addictions go, this one doesn't break the bank, destroy relationships with family, or produce shame and condemnation. And I've told myself that when I reach 325, I'm going to stop.

Yeah, I know, drug addicts say the same thing: I'm going to stop.

Well, if I do fall off the wagon, the worst that can really happen is that there will be a few more wonderful copies of The Cat in the Hat, Make Way for Ducklings, Brown Bear Brown Bear, and Blueberries for Sal floating around this world in some silky soft toddler hands, igniting neurons, kindling imaginations, and capturing dreams. 

And I could live with that fall.

My boy was so content to sit in his room and read....
Age 2

You may have tangible wealth untold 

Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold 

Richer than I you can never be 

I had a mother who read to me

— Strickland Gillilan

There is more treasure in books than in all the pirate's loot on Treasure Island.

— Walt Disney

THE NEW PLAN

I had two good appointments today. The gastroenterologist was awesome. I have the utmost respect for any physician who introduces himself with his first name. He was incredibly knowledgeable and encouraging and gave me a new "bowel management plan" or more aptly put, "poop protocol." It is easy, I have total control over tweaking it as I need to, and he just said he was sure we could have some victory over this chemo side effect. 

I told him that I really had already discovered a secret cure that I should share in a medical journal. We had four friends over for dinner last week and I made Mexican black bean & corn relish with lots of purple onions and cilantro, and Dick and I kept eating the remainder over a period of 3 days, and let me tell you, both of us were blown away by its laxative properties. I think the oncologists should share the recipe with all their constipated cancer patients!!! Dick thought it was a pain. I thought it was heavenly!!

My oncologist, who was very sympathetic over what I had endured for a month, was actually surprised that I would be willing to try the regular dosage of chemo again. He thought I might have just thrown in the towel. But I told him I am willing to give it another month with my new plan in place to avoid the deadly constipation, and we will go from there.

My hubbie took me to Taco Bell for dinner before we headed back home, and it was a good day all around.

LG

LIFE IS GOOD.

Despite the constant knee pain and the blurry vision in my right eye, I am feeling better than I have in months. I am working out and no longer have the Milk of Magnesia Helpline on speed dial. I've gained back 4 of the 7 pounds I lost and feel great about that. I really like being on the half-dose of the chemo, but with the last PET results, I know my doc wants me to give the full dose another try. I see a gastroenterologist tomorrow. I will talk with my oncologist tomorrow after I see the GI and we will nail down the protocol to try next. Sam will be home soon for a leisurely spring break, and we are always excited when the family is back together. The 3 of us love spending time together.

LIFE IS GOOD.

PRAYER REQUEST

On Sunday morning before we left for church, Sam received a text from the president of Dordt College asking all students to pray for a sophomore girl at Northwestern College, another Christian college just 12 miles from Dordt. The text said she had lost her entire family in a horrific car accident Saturday night in Sioux Falls. We were shocked by this news and felt so deeply for this surviving child. Little did we know then that the mother who died is Sam’s second cousin.

When names were released, the mom’s maiden name was not included and Dick found out from another relative that indeed, this family had Ekstrom blood. The mom’s father is Dick’s first cousin.

They were driving home from their son’s basketball game. A 16-year-old daughter and 13-year-old son, both athletes at Sioux Falls Christian High School, as well as the dad died at the scene. The mother died at the hospital. The cause of the accident was not alcohol or icy roads. They are investigating to try to find a cause as to why they swerved into the median and hit 2 guard rails, vaulted in the air and landed under a bridge. Unless they find a medical reason in autopsy, or find fault in the car, we will never know why it happened. Was it a coyote or fox or dog crossing the road that led them to swerve? Who knows. I know the family will long for an answer it may never receive.

When I left for work this morning, I held my husband a bit longer than usual. Truly, one never knows when they will see a loved one for the last time. You really never know. You think you are simply driving home from an out-of-town eighth grade basketball game, but instead, your life ends.

Please pray for this family. The grief of grandparents, siblings, cousins and friends is unimaginable. And the grief of Brittany, the surviving daughter, is so profound that no emotional scale could measure it. Her entire family is gone. The Vollmer family needs prayer. Thanks.

BIGGEST LOSER

            One of my three favorite reality TV shows is The Biggest Loser. I didn't discover it until season 3, when I readily got hooked. It is now season 14, and I have faithfully watched each season. 

            I am awed by the depth and breadth of determination and dedication it takes for these contestants to drop these tremendous amounts of weight. I would be lying if I said I understand what it feels like. I do not. Every human has something he or she struggles with on a personal level. My thorn in the flesh does not happen to be weight. 

            But my admiration is fathoms deep for the way these people have broken their bondage to over-eating and under-exercising. I will never forget Erik, the winner that season I started watching, who lost 214 pounds, from a starting weight of 407 down to 193. He was barely recognizable at the final weigh-in. I love the big reveals at the end where they all return to show off their transformed bodies---and lives.

            I think what makes me such a cheerleader of Biggest Loser is the fact that these competitors “get it.” It is not just about squeezing into a size 6 dress or a pair of 32 waist Dockers. It is about being able to go out and play basketball with their sons, or have the energy to get down on the floor to play with their grandbabies, or to simply be alive in years to come to walk their daughters down the aisle. They know they are saving their lives, not just improving their images and lowering their LDL.

            All that said, at the end of each season, I find myself ruminating about these “big losers” and remind myself that in reality-life, as opposed to reality-show, the true “biggest losers” are those who do not know the saving grace of Jesus Christ. They are lost spiritually, lost eternally. They have no hope for an eternity that is promised to be more magnificent than anyone can imagine. A place where everyone will be in perfect health.

            These determined contestants are winners at losing weight, but unless they know Jesus as their savior, they are losers at the only goal in this life that is worth striving for. Salvation. The assurance of heaven when we die.

            I never know who is or is not a Christian on this show, but I know that any who are would tell us that they have already won the big prize long before the final weigh-in proclaimed the big winner. 

TROUBLES HUNG ON A LINE

Getting a CT scan report of "normal" is double-edged news. On the one hand, you want them to find the reason for all the stomach pain. On the other hand, you are glad you do not have an ulcer or tumor or something else causing it. Blessedly, the pain has been waning on its own the past 3 days, for which I am very grateful. Enough even that I went back to work yesterday for the first time in 3 weeks, and it felt so good!!

My oncologist has scheduled me to see a GI doc in another week to discuss possibilities for managing this side effect. He is hoping that there is a "miracle remedy" for chemo-induced constipation that I can take so that he can get me back on the regular dose of chemo. In the meantime I am continuing on the half dose (not that my system has triggered itself back to normal yet). I know that chemo takers either have chronic diarrhea or chronic constipation. I think that the diarrhea would be preferable, though maybe if that was my problem, I would readily trade it back for the plug-up.

My mom used to have a lithograph in the bathroom at our Bad Medicine Lake cabin featuring a clothesline full of clothes blowing in the breeze. It read, "If all of our troubles were hung on a line, you would take yours and I would take mine." Maybe in the grand scheme of chemo side effects, this adage is true. Either way, I need to deal with it. 

Richie and I are headed over to Dordt shortly for a play-off game, and then Sam is going to drive home  in his own car after the game and spend the night. "I want to sleep in my own bed, study in quiet, and eat some good food." Not even a haircut on his agenda! We will take him for any and all reasons and be that "soft spot" for him to fall, even if it is for only 20 hours!!

CT TODAY

It has been a trying 11 days. When your colon is paralyzed, life gets messy. On the heels of dealing with more of that, I developed bad stomach pain which was odd and random. The local docs kept telling me it was all a part of the chemo-induced constipation, but I have dealt with that issue to one degree or another for over 2 years and it has never been accompanied by stomach pain. So this morning I had a CT scan of my belly and abdomen and we'll see what that shows. I am praying there will be an easy-to-treat diagnosis.

I told my husband last night that I just dream about being ME again. Healthy and able to think about OTHERS instead of all my own issues. Cancer makes one turn inward, and I suppose that is totally normal, but it is ugly when you have never been that way. I want to have the energy again to give back to others and stop thinking about me. Easier said than done when your body keeps throwing curve balls in your path.

Our reno is about 3/4 done (hey, maybe the chaos in the house was the reason for the gut pain) and we will be thrilled to have furniture all back in its rightful place. I keep saying that every reno is THE LAST ONE just because of all the upheaval, but when you are trying to bring a 1964 house into the current age, you just have to put up with it. 

My eye appointment yesterday yielded no new information on my vitreous detachment. My optometrist here had given me the identical information. LIVE WITH IT! Just another thing for God to heal!