Before chemo-brain fog sets in tomorrow, I thought I would update everyone on today. I drove over to my appointment today hoping for and believing that the tumors would have shown some shrinkage. They have not. They have not grown, which is good, but they have not decreased. For the hip tumor, which cannot be re-radiated, this is particularily discouraging. In addition to that, my tiny veins did not do well all morning and they had to stick me 5 different times (I hate needles).
I must admit I had a pity party when I got home. D came home right away and we talked alot. The worst thing that could happen is that I lose my faith focus. I must believe that God's delays are not his denials. This I should know having endured nearly 7 years of infertility. Every month felt like another NO from God. It was not. It was a NOT YET.
I talked to my spiritual mentor and Wednesday prayer partner, MR tonight and she reminded me that I did not hear from God today. It was not His voice. She reminded me that until we hear His final word on the matter of my cancer, we continue to believe in a healing, in His time. We continue to stand on God's Word and His promises, which we are believing are His will. She reminded me that He has not spoken yet, and He is not done with me yet. I needed to hear those words tonight.
So while part of my heart feels heavy, I will not stop trusting in the One who has ordered my days and has written ever-so-many promises about healing in His Word. This is my testing ground. When I can't see Him working or don't find a visible sign of His providence, I have to continue to believe.
My son texted me, "Mom you have to have UNWAVERING faith." And then he said on the phone to me, "Rome wasn't built in a day." Ah, so right. And so we finish out my last 2 treatments and then determine where to turn next.
I ask for your prayers that my trust in Scripture be unwavering, that my trust in God's plan for my life is perfect, that my trust in the process of fighting cancer is bearable. Thank you for lifting me and my family to the Father in prayer.