Tuesday, May 17, 2011


For those of you who know my feelings about living at the cabin for the summer, you will be surprised to hear that I am really struggling lately with going. It is my favorite spot in the world, and yet the last 4 days of being there last August hold such powerfully difficult feelings. There is a tsunami of grief and utter terror and devastation and sadness now associated with my cabin, even though the property had nothing to do with my diagnosis. I am usually packed by the end of April and chomping at the bit to move up there. This year, I feel none of that. I have reluctance and trepidation and a sense of  fear that another crisis could send us back to SD in the middle of our summer, ruining it for my husband and son. I have visions of the 3 of us lost in grief and fear sitting on the deck, not knowing how to put one foot in front of the other. Sam and I are supposed to go up there on Tuesday (after a time in Fargo), and I do want to conquer these mental fears. I know satan is trying to steer me away from any joy I might be able to find, and he is being successful right now. I could really use some heart-felt prayer that God would bring me the peace I need for this transition, and that He would calm my anxiety. Thanks!


Allison said...

Mary I know exactly how you feel! The first time I went to the doctor for a well visit (after my ordeal) I broke down in tears...all the memories came flooding back. I will definitely be praying for you!!! CLAIM those good memories and focus on them as you prepare and travel. Lots of love! My prayers are with you and the guys.

Cole said...

Mary, take all of those thoughts captive and acknowledge them for the lies they are. Because you've always thought of the cabin as a point of peace, it's an easy attack. Try to remember, last year you did leave in grief...but that was before you allowed God to speak His healing truths to your heart! Return with joy and thanksgiving for every moment the three of you have together...you've already stated that it's a miracle to even return. Remember that and keep breathing in God's healing and His all-encompassing peace. Will be praying!!

Julie said...

God has another WONDERFUL summer in store for the three of you. Tell satan to leave his bags UNPACKED, because in Jesus's mighty name---J-E-S-U-S!!!!, satan--YOU are NOT going to the cabin in MN with the Hieb-Ekstrom family!