That new chapter I was entering on Friday? Already over, and I am just now coming up for air. Apparently I had good reason to be anxious about side effects of something new because boy, oh, boy did I have them. Intense nausea (that made bad morning sickness seem like a walk in the park), abdominal pain, intestinal pain, the taste of food completely changed, and I had trouble eating (lethal for me who doesn't have a pound to spare). Finally after 3.5 days of misery and trying 3 different anti-nausea drugs, they pulled it. I am not to take it for one week, clear up my bloodstream, my emotions (I was spiraling down), and my head, and then next Tuesday they will have me take just 1 dose per day instead of 2 and see if my body can tolerate it.
This is the drug that gives me the best chance for more tumor shrinkage, and I am really hoping that I can take the lower dose. However, I already know that I cannot live my life sick either and understand that sometimes the treatment is worse than the disease. So.....please pray that I could tolerate the side effects on the lower dosage. There is no other drug that is targeted to this mutation that I can try.
In the end, though, I know that what my sweet, wise, Godly son texted me is truth: "Mom, maybe this is just God's way of saying He doesn't need that stinkin' drug to heal you." It was that text that broke my chains and allowed me to be OK getting off the drug. I had put hope----too much hope---in the new drug. I took my eyes off Jesus for just a minute, and, like Peter walking across the water, I too sank when I looked down. Sam is right. With or without this drug, we stand in faith for healing.
For those of you who have texted, emailed, left messages.......I was too sick to answer anything. As my body starts to recup here and the queasies leave my bloodstream, I will try to pick up the slack and get back to some of you. I'll do what I can do and know that the rest of you understand.