Monday, November 8, 2010

I WONDER

As I continue to walk out this cancer journey standing on the promises of The Great Physician (in scripture) for healing, a recurrent possibility keep niggling in my mind.

Could God have allowed my cancer to spread to my pelvis to save my lung?

Now I realize that ONLY the people reading this who have a relationship with Jesus Christ and understand His mysterious ways will be able to entertain this possbility with me. The rest of you can go ahead and roll your eyes.

As I look back.......
The news that my lung cancer had spread to my bone was devastating to us. It felt like a death sentence. We were drowning in despair and sorrow. Before that news arrived, we and the oncologist presumed the tumor was contained and we were talking surgery. Because of the location of the lung tumor, a partial lung removal was iffy. It most likely would have been the removal of my left lung. Certainly people live with one lung, but life is compromised in many respects. When the metastasis was discovered, surgery was off the table completely, and we went to the radiation/chemo scenario.

But, now, as we have lived in the light of hope and belief in healing, I wonder about it all. If God knew that He was going to heal me, and he knew that a contained tumor would have taken my lung, could He have allowed it to spread just enough that my lung would remain intact and be healed? I wonder. I really wonder. And I won't know the answer for some time, but it makes me ponder His ways, which always stymie man's ways.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.  Is 55:8-9

My gastro-intestinal woes have continued, though today, for the first time since my chemo 13 days ago, has not been too bad. My gut is not churning too much today. I am grateful. I hope this means it is ending. It would be nice to feel as though it was resolving itself before another assault of the chemo drugs.

I worked for a couple hours at the nursing home today and delighted in being able to hug a bunch of residents. I gave massages, and wheelchair rides outside, and played piano in the lounge (does the fact that most of the residents fell asleep to my tunes mean I am losing my touch??:)

Tomorrow I get my blood levels taken. A specific prayer request would be that once again, the levels would be acceptable and that my body's immune system is ready for round #3. Thanks so much for your treasured prayers!!

2 comments:

Cole said...

I was wondering when your next blood test was scheduled...I like to pray specifically when possible. =)

I choose to think your music had a soothing effect on the residents!! I'm sure they enjoyed their time with you.

Pipsylou said...

check your email on this one :)