Thursday, August 26, 2010

AND YET ANOTHER TEST

Spent 2 hours in Sioux Falls yesterday morning getting a hip MRI. They needed to tape my toes inward and waves of pain just shot up my legs the entire 2 hours of the test. This test was to re-verify that the cancer is, indeed, on the hip, which they already knew from the PET scan, but I am beyond questioning the testing. I laid there and prayed that God might decide to change the hip cancer to simple arthritis and I envisioned all the doctors being stunned that it had miraculously disappeared overnight. Ah, well, it kept my mind busy, and for a while I was not obsessed with thinking about negative outcomes.....something I am trying very hard to work on today. I need to envision remission, and nothing less.

We are waiting on the results of yesterday's tests and one more set of biopsy stains from Mayo. At this point, they will make recommendations for treatment and then we will probably get a 2nd opinion to give us some confidence in what we choose.

My sister-in-law and brother-in-law from Kansas City stopped by last night and stayed with us on their way home from a west coast trip. My sister-in-law reminded me that you can only take a day at a time. My whole life has battled that idiom. I am a planner and organzier and a think-aheader. How, now, do I reverse that? I have to think about ONLY today.

My sister Margie (well, technically she is married to my brother, so one could add the in-law to her moniker, but since she is my sister in every way, I refuse that) and my niece Rachel have risen up to take command of my battle. They are in my face and dragging me to the battle lines with orders about food, rest, psyche, visualizations.....and a whole bunch of other mental artillery. If any two women can pull me out of my emotional funk and send me into battle, they will. And I love them for it.

When I opened my Bible last night, my eyes fell on 4 words from the book of Amos (verse 5:4)....SEEK ME AND LIVE.  I just sat and stared at it. It spoke to my heart last night.

Please pray for my mind to find its fighting spirit and that we would find discernment in our treatment decisions.  The outpouring of support and love has fed our souls. Thank you so much.

2 comments:

Gary said...

Mary,
I have nothing profound to say. No great words of wisdom. Just a few words to say I hear you. I care. Im sorry. Im praying for you. We have an awesome and good God and He is cradling you in the palm of His hand. That is a good place to be in times of trouble.
kate

Risa said...

SEEK ME AND LIVE - wow, what a profound discovery. You and Dick invade my thoughts each and every day and my heart cries out to our God for you.
Risa