STEP 2

Our first meeting with the oncologist today was good. Dr. V is compassionate, smart, logical, intuitive, non-threatened by 2nd opinions if needed, and we trusted her immediately. I am so grateful for the recommendation that sent us to her.

The second step now is the most fearful in terms of results. We have a PET scan scheduled for Friday afternoon, and a brain MRI to be scheduled probably on Thursday. These will tell us if the cancer has metastacized and spread to other parts of my body. She was very honest in saying that if indeed that is the case, it is likely incurable. She did say that many people can manage to live for various amounts of time with an incurable cancer. If it has not spread (this would be the miracle), then we sit down and examine options of radiation, chemo or surgery. The location of the tumor is not in the greatest place for surgical options, but we will cross that bridge when we have to.

I was reading a commentary on Job today, and the nugget that I gleaned from it was that we need to trust God not just WHEN we don't understand, but BECAUSE we don't understand. If God is perfect, and I know He is, then EVERYTHING He allows to happen in my life is also perfect, whether or not I understand it.

To take this kind of trust to a visceral level is my real faith challenge, because I am such a "feelings" person. When the waves of panic grip me at 3 AM, I am not FEELING that trust yet. But I know it to be truth. And everyday I am trying to feel the truth more and more in my gut.

I would be lying through my stinkin' teeth if I said I wasn't scared. My faith is being tested far beyond a point I ever thought it could be. Life sucks, big-time, right now. But God.....oh, He is still so good.

Thanks for continued prayer that the cancer has not spread.