The mutation study came back negative. I had no hope of being able to take the newer drugs since bad luck has assailed us at every turn. It was a disappointment, but not devastating in the least. It means I will use traditional chemo drugs.
My second opinion on Monday yielded just that. A second and different opinion on the drug choices. I was hoping for consensus and thus not having to make a choice between the two options. Last night as I sat deliberating (starting to lean one way), my cousin Mae called me (I had emailed her earlier about my indecision) and offered to get me a 3rd (and free!) opinion from the oncologist she has worked for for many years. I gave her the info he would need and she tagged him early this morning for his input. She called me at 7:15 this morning with his opinion and he suggested the protocol that I had been leaning toward. I felt great relief and felt it a confirmation that this was the right way to go.
It astonishes me how many times God has used other people to meet my needs. That 3rd opinion has made all the difference in my gut today. The anxiety is not there. I don't think Mae will ever realize how much her intervention has meant to me. Mae, I owe you BIG TIME and I love you to pieces! I chose a regime that is less toxic and better tolerated and I am praying that the side effects will be manageable. For the next 6 months of chemo, I SO want and need to be able to go about my life.
There is a weird sense of disconnect choosing to become sick for 6 months, you know? Since my cancer is asymptomatic, I feel fine, and I am choosing to go thru chemo which will no doubt make me feel "less fine." It is an odd cirumstance.
I need to pre-medicate for a week with B-12, so chemo will not start until next week. I plan on taking some pictures of myself with hair this week, just in case I lose all of it and it never comes back quite as thick!! Hair. No hair. The least of my concerns. D has a buzz cut anyway. We can be twins.
I know my great God will be working through the drugs for healing. I read this in my daily devotional yesterday:
Divine healing is actually divine life. It is the Lordship of Christ over the body---or the life of Christ in the framework of the human body. It is the union of the parts of our bodies with His very body, exhibiting His life flowing throughtout our bodies.
As that chemo drips into me, I will be visualizing that union, and thanking Him in advance for all that He is doing.