Wednesday, September 29, 2010

GOOD LUCK STILL ELUSIVE

The mutation study came back negative. I had no hope of being able to take the newer drugs since bad luck has assailed us at every turn. It was a disappointment, but not devastating in the least. It means I will use traditional chemo drugs.

My second opinion on Monday yielded just that. A second and different opinion on the drug choices. I was hoping for consensus and thus not having to make a choice between the two options. Last night as I sat deliberating (starting to lean one way), my cousin Mae called me (I had emailed her earlier about my indecision) and offered to get me a 3rd (and free!) opinion from the oncologist she has worked for for many years. I gave her the info he would need and she tagged him early this morning for his input. She called me at 7:15 this morning with his opinion and he suggested the protocol that I had been leaning toward. I felt great relief and felt it a confirmation that this was the right way to go.

It astonishes me how many times God has used other people to meet my needs. That 3rd opinion has made all the difference in my gut today. The anxiety is not there. I don't think Mae will ever realize how much her intervention has meant to me. Mae, I owe you BIG TIME and I love you to pieces! I chose a regime that is less toxic and better tolerated and I am praying that the side effects will be manageable. For the next 6 months of chemo, I SO want and need to be able to go about my life.

There is a weird sense of disconnect choosing to become sick for 6 months, you know? Since my cancer is asymptomatic, I feel fine, and I am choosing to go thru chemo which will no doubt make me feel "less fine." It is an odd cirumstance.

I need to pre-medicate for a week with B-12, so chemo will not start until next week. I plan on taking some pictures of myself with hair this week, just in case I lose all of it and it never comes back quite as thick!! Hair. No hair. The least of my concerns. D has a buzz cut anyway. We can be twins.

I know my great God will be working through the drugs for healing. I read this in my daily devotional yesterday:

Divine healing is actually divine life. It is the Lordship of Christ over the body---or the life of Christ in the framework of the human body. It is the union of the parts of our bodies with His very body, exhibiting His life flowing throughtout our bodies.

As that chemo drips into me, I will be visualizing that union, and thanking Him in advance for all that He is doing.

3 comments:

Cole said...

Dear Mary,

I know when my Mom and best friend went through this process they both said the same thing, to decide to be sick to get well is SUCH an odd concept. My friend got very angry that she had to fight her own body in many ways to keep living. It is something inconceiveable.

I'm SO grateful to hear of your cousin's loving gesture that has put your mind at ease. To read your words and begin to see some peace in them is an answer to many of the prayers I've been sending up for you.

He is an amazing healer and if you've chosen this route with peace, I think that is absolutely fantastic. I say go buy a wig you love now or have a great time with some beautiful hats! =)

May God continue to bless you and your family through this journey. (even with the outcomes you don't want/expect) Continuing to pray for you all.

Pipsylou said...

I read this last night and I don't know that good luck is elusive...God has you on THIS particular path and I am holding faith and hope in my palms that for whatever reason, it is better that you don't have the mutation. And I am praying that God will reveal that to you in THIS life, and you will be able to share that reason witha ll of us at a later date!

I keep thinking of how all of Lucy's stuff has transpired and how things we thought were horrible at the time later turned out to be blessings.

Hold on, girl, the ride is going to get wild, but HE is victorious! Thank you thank you thank you for sending me that book...LOVE it! lOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE it!

Isn't it amazing how many times Jesus HEALS in the new testament but somehow we just act as though those healings are nothing but Bible story fodder?

SHAME ON US!

Praying for complete healing, so excited to watch it unfold!

Julie said...

A verse we talked about at Impact last night with the college kids jumped out at me for you, when I read this about NOT having the mutation. Proverbs 14:12 says, "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it brings death." So, even though we all thought we wanted you to have the mutation, we are just gonna trust Him AGAIN---that HE KNOWS BEST!! And HE BRINGS LIFE, NOT DEATH! He knows whether this mutation was right or not for you.....Also: You are now free of anxiety for your course of treatment, and Proverbs 14:30 says, "A heart AT PEACE gives LIFE TO THE BODY!!!" So, having a sense of peace about the treatment regimen ahead of you is already bringing LIFE to your BODY! Hang in there, girl, and hang on to the God of the Universe's hand!!!